Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

A nutritionist and a doctor are in love with the same girl. One day the girl is to travel for five days so the nutritionist gives her five apples and says "an apple a day keeps the doctor away".

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Doctor: Open your mouth and say ahh.
Steve: Ahh.
Doctor: I see that everything is alright, and tell me, have you been anywhere before coming to me?
Steve: Yes, I went to see the pharmacist at the pharmacy.
Doctor: And what kind of nonsense he recommended for you?
Steve: To come here and see you.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man was having some stomach pains, so he went to see his doctor…
….
The doctor looked him over and declared, “Sir, you have a tapeworm. Please come back in three days, and bring…a BANANA.” ….
….
The man is confused, but he trusts the doctor so he returns in three days with a banana. The doctor tells the man to take off his pants and bend over, whereupon the doctor…introduces the banana into the man’s system.
The man is shocked.
The doctor says, “Excellent job. Now please come back in three days with another banana.”
The man trusts his doctor, so in three days he returns with another banana. The doctor again asks the man to remove his pants and again he introduces the banana into the man’s system. The man is extremely confused, but his stomach pains aren’t as bad anymore so he will continue to follow his doctors orders.
The doctor says, “Great job. Now please come back in three days with.. A HAMMER.”
The man returns with a hammer three days later. He is extremely confused, but upon seeing the doctor he receives his instructions.
“Please take off your pants and lie on your side on the examination table,” says the doctor.
The man lays there for a few minutes with his rear end bare. The doctor breathlessly grips the hammer and waits. The tapeworm pops out of the man’s вuттhоlе, looks at the doctor and says, “Hey where the fсuк is my banana?”
Bam!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

There's such a great emphasis, here in the United States, on looking good and feeling good -- usually at an enormous expense to your personality.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A person went to an interview of a healthcare organization. After the first question he was disqualified.
Interview Board: Why do people have different kind of blood groups?
Applicant: Because mosquitoes love to enjoy different kind of flavors.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

The physician writing out a prescription for his hypertensive cardiac patient:
“Diazepam 5mg (tranquilizer) TDS".
The patient’s wife asks, "Doctor, when are these medicines to be given?"
Doctor:
"These are to be taken by you. He needs rest"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A farmer walks into a restaurant and orders the finest champagne on the menu. A lady in sees this and asks the man: ‘whats the occasion?’
The farmer says “Well, I’ve been trying to get my chickens to lay eggs for ages now and just today they laid their first eggs”
The woman replies “What a coincidence, I’ve been trying to get pregnant for ages and just yesterday my doctor told me that I was pregnant.” She then asks “How do you get your chickens to lay eggs?”
The Farmer says ” I used a different соск”
“Oh, what a coincidence….”

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

I don't eat right. I had cheese sticks for dinner tonight. It'd be healthier to take a bullet. At least a bullet would go through you.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

That's why I like to talk to my mother every single day because hearing how delusional I may become one day makes me appreciate every day I have left with my sanity.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Single People Jokes

After completing his annual physical on a patient. The doctor asked if there was anything that was bothering him. Joe said ya my Hearing.
The doctor examined Joe's ear and removed some ear wax. He then asked Joe if his hearing was better.
Joe said I don't know the hearing is next Tuesday

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Rearrange the letters 2 spell out an important part of the human body which is even more useful when Еrест -
N e p i s
People who wrote SPINE became Doctors. Rest are all my friends

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

My doctor told me that I’m a paranoid racist.
Well, he didn’t exactly say that, but I know what the black сunт was thinking…

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Went to the doctor’s the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous!
I was embarrassed but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional - I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you in any way I can.”
I said, “I think my соск tastes funny.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

My Doctor has advised me to start running.
I’m not ill or anything, I’ve been sleeping with his wife.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Masturbation jokes

Doctor doctor, I think I have a problem with my testicles. … ….
….
Is one of them meant to be вiggеr than the others?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Workaholism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler.

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Gаy Gary visits his doctor.
“Doc, I’ve got AIDS! What do I do?”
“Here, take this prescription. It’s for 1 gallon of Castor oil in the morning, and 1 bottle of laxatives at night.”
“Will it cure me?”
“No, but it will teach you what your аrsеhоlе is meant for!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

Patient (to Doctor), "I forget things easily. What should I do?"
Doctor, "I think first of all you should pay my bill".

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

As she lay there in my bed next to me I thought to myself “relax, you’re not the first doctor to sleep with a patient” but the other voice in my head said “But Howard you are a vet”.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes