Good jokes

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That awkward moment when you talk to somebody, you
Feel something wet on your face but it’s not raining.

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Good jokes

Where do fish go to chill?
At a sаndваr.

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Good jokes

An international football team flies on a charter jet
To their next tournament. It’s quite a long flight and they get bored
And decide, since it’s a charter flight, that they’re going to play some
Football on the plane.
After a while the captain is getting angry with all the yelling and
Bumping and sends his co-pilot to go out there and shut them up.
30 seconds later the co-pilot comes back and the plane is wonderfully
Silent.
“That’s awesome, how did you manage to calm them down this quickly?”
“It was no problem. I just said, ‘Listen, guys, the weather is lovely –
Why don’t you play outside for a while?’”

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Good jokes Aviation Jokes Military Jokes Pilot Jokes

A couple sits on a sofa. He has foot odor and she has Mouth odor. After a moment of awkward silence, she says,
“Paul, I have To tell you something.”
“No need,” Paul raises his hand,
“it’s OK. I Know you ate my socks.”

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Good jokes

My friend talked me into lending her money for plastic surgery. I’ve been trying to get it back for months.
Unfortunately I have no idea what she looks like these days.

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Good jokes Money jokes

Funny, those road signs:
"Caution - Watch for Children!" I mean, how dangerous can a child be?

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Good jokes

Waiter? I’m sorry, but I cannot eat all this.
Would you be so kind and pack it for me? To take away?
But sir, this is a buffet.
Pack it up I said!“

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Good jokes Waiter Jokes

I just like to sleep without clothes on. The air-hostess could have been a bit more understanding.

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Good jokes Flight attendant jokes

Astronaut's last words: ОМG guys, who farted? I have to open the window.

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Good jokes Fart Jokes Space jokes Last Word Jokes

I saw a poster today, somebody was asking “Have you Seen my cat?”
So I called the number and said that I didn’t. - I like to Help where I can.

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Good jokes Pet Jokes

The son asks his dad, “Dad, what can I do if I want To live forever?”
Dad replies,
“All you have to do is marry.”
The son is surprised,
“And that will really make me live forever?”
Daddy replies wearily,
“No, but the wish dies.”

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Good jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

My boss got really angry with me this morning. He kept shouting and cursing for at least an hour.
After a while my habits kicked in and at one point I said, “You’re right, honey.”

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Good jokes Boss Jokes

Girls mostly treat me like a God. They totally forget
That I exist and only approach me when they need something.

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Good jokes

Two sharks are swimming along in the ocean when
They spot a windsurfer.
“Ooh, look, a snack!” cheers up the first one.
The second one nods appreciatively, “And on a nice little plate with a
Napkin, even!”

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Good jokes

“Hey, Karen, how much do you weigh?”
“I’m not telling you!”
“Aw, come on, tell! Give me at least the last three digits!”

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Good jokes

That moment when your teacher gets very angry with you because you’ve
Been nervously clicking the ball pen, but you still have to click it one
More time to be able to write.

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Good jokes

Mrs. Blutwurst is to have quite a tricky operation
And is very nervous about it. Just before she gets her anesthesia, she
Grabs the surgeon by the hand, “Oh doctor, I’m so afraid!”
“Don’t you worry, Mrs. Blutwurst,“ says the doctor, “I did this
Operation 30 times already. It has to work this time.

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Good jokes

Would it be possible to cross an eel with an eagle?
Absolutely not. That would be eeleagle.

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Good jokes

Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross.
But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer.

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Good jokes Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes

A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks, examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”

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Good jokes