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Good jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Why did Billy throw his pocket watch out of the window?
Because he heard his parents saying that time flies.

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Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime, no problem!

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The most exciting beverage for a soccer player? The penaltea!

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Will sell broken marionettes. No strings attached.

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A boy ate some coins for fun and his parents took him to the hospital. One hour later the parents asked the nurse how it was going. Apparently, “no change yet.”

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How do monsters prefer their eggs?
Terrifried.

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Salt meets pepper on a plate and says, “I’m feeling all scattered today.”

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See also:
Dad Jokes
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New Puns

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When can you be sure a snail is lying to you?
When he says he’s not home.

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“Dad, I got my smarts from you, didn’t I?”
“That’s right my clever boy!”
“Yup, thought so, mom still has hers.”

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Mommy says to little Johnny, “Why are you sticking out your tongue at the dog? It’s not nice.”
Little Johnny says, “But the dog started it.”

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Good jokes Dog jokes

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U. S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U. S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'
The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

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I just came back from a court. They charged the guy with bringing his own bag of candy, popcorn and soda to the cinema.
It’s really unjust that he lost. Eventually he had to pay the court fees and legal counsel. At least he’ still a few dollars in the black compared to having bought all that at the cinema.

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Why did the crab cross the road?
Actually, it never did. It used the sidewalk.

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Of course I should clean my windows. But privacy is important too.

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A police officer stops a minivan full of elderly ladies being driven by an old gentleman because they’re only going 25 mph, stopping the mid-day traffic.
The policeman asks the driver why is he going so slow.
“Well that’s the speed limit, isn’t it! There was a sign saying 25 and everything!” the driver defends himself.
The policeman sighs, “No, sir, that’s the number of the highway you’re on. It has nothing to do with the speed limit.”
“Oh, so that’s what it means…” says the driver, looking shocked.
The officer looks at the rest of the van and notices the grannies are looking somewhat frozen and stiff.
“What’s up with the ladies?” he asks the driver.
“Um…” the driver scratches his head, “you see, we just got off highway 150…”

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Hilarious Jokes
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Part 6

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I got my girlfriend a “Get better soon” card.
She’s not ill or anything, but she could definitely get better.

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If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

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A little boy visits his farmer grandpa and watches him milk the cows.
The next day one of the cows runs away and grandpa is really upset about it.
“Don’t worry, Grandpa,” says the boy helpfully, “she can’t have gone very far with an empty tank.”

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