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Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime, no problem!

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The most exciting beverage for a soccer player? The penaltea!

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Will sell broken marionettes. No strings attached.

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A boy ate some coins for fun and his parents took him to the hospital. One hour later the parents asked the nurse how it was going. Apparently, “no change yet.”

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How do monsters prefer their eggs?
Terrifried.

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Salt meets pepper on a plate and says, “I’m feeling all scattered today.”

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See also:
Dad Jokes
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New Puns

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When can you be sure a snail is lying to you?
When he says he’s not home.

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“Dad, I got my smarts from you, didn’t I?”
“That’s right my clever boy!”
“Yup, thought so, mom still has hers.”

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Mommy says to little Johnny, “Why are you sticking out your tongue at the dog? It’s not nice.”
Little Johnny says, “But the dog started it.”

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Good jokes Dog jokes