Good jokes

Newest jokes in this category

I told my girlfriend to come with me to the gym. Then I stood her up. Hopefully, she’ll realize the two of us are not going to work out.

0 0

Good jokes

Two bears are observing an approaching group of knights in shiny armors.
“Ah well,” sighs one of them, “canned lunch it is.”

0 0

Good jokes

Getting fат wasn’t my intention. It was a pure and clear snaccident.

0 0

Good jokes

A guy walks into a bar and says urgently to the bartender, "Give me a вееr before trouble starts!" He drinks his вееr and orders another, again saying, "Give me a вееr before trouble starts!" The bartender is confused but lets it go for another two beers, when he finally asks, "Hey man, when are you gonna pay for those beers?" The guy answers, "And now the trouble starts!

0 0

Good jokes

A boy and a girl kissed and hugged in a public swimming pool. Guess who needed 5 minutes longer to get out of the water?

0 0

Good jokes

Honey, somebody vomited in my favorite mug.
Come on! I made lentil soup for you!

0 0

Good jokes

My wife left me, went away. At first I was sad, lonely and didn’t know what to do with myself. But I bought a motorbike, threw a wild, loud party and got to meet some other women. I think my wife may not be so pleased when she comes back again from work.

0 0

Good jokes

Jury. A group of people selected to decide which side has the best lawyer.

0 0

Good jokes

Husband:
“Do you want some fries, honey?”
Wife:
“No, they just make me fат.”
*** WARNING! From now on, every sentence could be deadly. ***

0 0

Good jokes

What five-letter-word starts with a “P” and ends with and “s”?
Pants. You pig.

0 0

Good jokes

What’s the difference between a running and a flying mouse?
The flying one has a hawk attached to its back.

0 0

Good jokes

Breaking news: Yesterday morning, terrorists occupied the strategically placed Jameson whiskey distillery in Dublin. They still haven’t been able to formulate their demands.

0 0

Good jokes

What does it mean when there’s a black flag hanging out on a company building?
They’re advertising an unexpected vacancy.

0 0

Good jokes

What’s the difference between a mirage and a Tinder date?
One is an optical illusion, the other is an optical disillusion.

0 0

Good jokes

A cowboy walks into a saloon. He draws his revolvers and within 30 seconds, shoots everyone except a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. He saunters closer and asks, “So what’s a beautiful gal like yourself doing here all alone?”

0 0

Good jokes

Some people see “Buy two beers, get three!”
I see “Buy eight beers, get twelve!”

0 0

Good jokes

Father is giving his son some life advice.
Father:
“If you want to be a good man, you must be honest and cautious in life.”
Son:
“And what does that mean?”
Father:
“You must fulfill everything you’ve promised.”
Son:
“And cautious?”
Father:
“Never make any promises.”

0 0

Good jokes

What sign has probably never been made in Braille?
“Danger, do not touch.”

0 0

Good jokes

What do you get on the ocean surface in really gentle wind?
Microwaves.

0 0

Good jokes

Little Johnny comes home from school and says, “We did a test today mom, and I only answered one question wrong.”
Mommy says, “Oh, nice, so you got a good mark, right?”
Little Johnny replies, “Not really. I didn’t answer the other questions at all.”

0 0

Good jokes