Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

I wouldn't go to school. I thought all the kids at school were going to beat me up, which is absurd. They couldn't all beat me up -- someone had to hold me down.

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When I was a little kid, we were so poor that my mother cut a hole in my pants pocket so I would have something to play with.
… If it wasn’t for pickpockets, I would have had no sεx life at all.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Lance is tooling down a lonely stretch of a backwoods Alabama highway, texting to his significant other, when WHAM! he hits something or someone.
He gets out of his car, and lying there, struggling and moaning is a black kid, probably in his late teens. “Dаrn niggеrs,” Lance mutters, “they jaywalk anywhere and everywhere.” He calls 911, but by the time an ambulance gets there, the black mofu is food for the worms.
A big-bellied Alabama sheriff rolls up to the scene and begins to write up a report. “You know this will affect your driving privileges,” the sheriff says. “Most likely about eight points.”
Lance is sweating. “Eight points and vehicular homicide. Will I still be able to drive here in Alabama, sir?”
The sheriff looks up from his writing out the report. “Oh this won’t affect your ability to drive, son. See, here in Alabama we have a bounty of these niggеrs. It’s open season all year. You get the eight points ADDED as a BONUS to your driving record, not the other way around.”
“Yup, I would say you landed yourself an eight point buck!”

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Kids Jokes Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A little girl was eating a doughnut on her way to church. Since she could not eat inside, she left it outside and she prayed, "God, will you please watch my doughnut and not go anywhere else? Thank you!"
Then she went inside. When the priest said,
"God is here, God is there, and God is everywhere!"
The little girl said, ”You are wrong! God is outside watching my doughnut!"

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Kids Jokes God Jokes

What's the difference between kids and grandkids?
If I play Ghost Riders with my guitar but sing the lyrics from the Gilligan's Island theme song, my grand kids would love it!
My kids, however, would want to take away my driver's licence!

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Kids Jokes Old People Jokes

I wish we all had to describe ourselves in percentages of singleness because I think it would be so much more honest. 'Cause then a guy could be like, 'I'm 75% single because 10% of me is sleeping with my ex and 15%, frankly, that's for my mom.'

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Kids Jokes Single People Jokes

My wife's not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said,
"All kids smell that way."

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Kids Jokes

At the supermarket, a woman shopped with her four boys and a baby. Her patience was wearing thin as the boys called out, "Mommy! Mommy!" while she tried to shop.
Finally, she blurted out, "I don’t want to hear the word mommy for at least ten minutes!"
The boys fell silent for a few seconds. Then one tugged on his mother’s dress and said softly, "Excuse me, miss."

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes

What happened to good names? You tell me, in the last five years, anybody who's been introduced to a baby named Larry. Bring me baby Larry. Show me a baby Glen. Who are we gonna borrow tools from in the future?

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Kids Jokes

A pastor walked outside of the church because he heard the children being loud. He sees the kids all grouped up. "What are you doing?" The children make the circle wider to show a puppy they had found. "Its a beautiful dog, who will take it home?" The pastor asks. The children look at each other until one of them speaks up. "I know! Whoever tells the biggest lie can take it home! Would you like to play pastor?" The pastor shrugs his shoulders and says,
"I don't know, it will be hard because I've never told a lie." The child picks the dog up and hands it to the pastor, "Here you go. You win."

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Kids Jokes

I believe everything in life I learned from my parents. And by that, I mean that I'm divorced.

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Kids Jokes

Boy and girl: asked the teacher very important question?
"Can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl :
"See i told you not to worry!!!!

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Kids Jokes

A little boy went down the street with his mom. He saw a dollar bill on the ground and he asked if he could pick it up. The mom said,
"Don't pick things up from the ground."
Then the boy saw two dollar bills on the ground. He asked his mom, "Can i pick the two dollars up?"
The mom said again, "Don't pick things up from the ground." Then the mom slipped on a banana peel and fell down. The mom asked,
"Can you help me up?"
The boy said,
"I was told not to pick things up from the ground."

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Kids Jokes

A 4-year-old kid was at school and his teacher told him that his homework was to learn the first four letters of the alphabet. At home his mum was on the phone when he asked her what’s the first letter of the alphabet so she said “Shut up.” His dad was watching a football match when the kid asked him about the second letter of the alphabet so he said “YES YES YES!!!” because his favorite team had just scored. His brother was playing Bat-Man when the kid asked him what’s the third letter of the alphabet so he said “Na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!!!” and the kid went away, happy. His 2 and 3/4 year old sisters playing with her dolls when he asked her about the fourth letter of the alphabet so she said “On my voom voom car.” The next day at school when his teacher asked him for the first letter of the alphabet he said Shut Up, so the teacher asked him if he wanted to go to the principal’s office, and he said YES YES YES!!! At the principal’s office the principle asked him “Who do you think you are?” the kid replied “Na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!!!” so the principle said “How are you going to get out of this mess?” And the kid replied “On my voom voom car”

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

Bully:
"Sees a fат kid eating pork"
Bully: Hey fат kid! You are so filled with wet pork. Fат Kid: You now why your mother became fат last night?
Bully: No?
Fat Kid: Last night, I was filling your mother until full.

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Fat Jokes

If a single teacher cant teach us all subjects,how is a student supposed to learn all the fuскing subjects?

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Kids Jokes Single People Jokes

It suскs for Bush to walk around, 'I'm not an insider.' You're the president's kid! You're a Baldwin!

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Kids Jokes

Never give up, because your dreams can come true. Take me, for example: when I was a kid, I really wanted to be invisible. So then, I grew up, and I moved to L. A.

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Kids Jokes

A little girl walked proudly into a dry goods store to buy material for a dress for her doll.
When she came to the cash register she asked, “What does this cost?"
"For a sweet little girl like you," replied the man (feeling generous)"I'll charge only one little kiss."
"Thanks" replied the tot. "Grandma said whatever it is, to charge it and she'll be by tomorrow to pay for it."

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"

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Kids Jokes