Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

What did the hot dog say when he crossed the finish line?
I’m the wiener!

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Kids Jokes

A little boy took the chair at the barbershop. “How would you like your hair cut today, son?” asked the barber. “Oh, do it like you do Daddy’s, with the big hole at the back.”

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Kids Jokes

They had this article taped [to the register], and the headline of the article said 'Did you know the blood of 40 million babies has stained United States soil since 1963 through legalized abortion.' And I'm like, Whoa, whoa -- 40 million babies stained U. S. soil? Who's doing these abortions outside? Oh my God, put down a tarp or something!

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Kids Jokes God Jokes

We should start telling kids that Santa moved to the Amazon and sends gifts in the mail now.

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Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes

The following conversation took place in a government meeting regarding the school curriculum.
Adviser: So what are we gonna teach the kids?
Politician: I’ve decided to go with Pythagoras’s theorem.
Adviser: But what about car repairs, applying for loans, buying a house, starting a business or doing taxes?
Politician: No!! Finding the length of a triangle is more important.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Political Jokes

So this kids dad walks into his sons room and says,
"Did you know if you маsтеrвате too much you will go blind?" His son says,
"Hey dad, I'm over here."

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

I had a kid who threatened to кill me one year because I gave him an F. Another teacher caught one of my students writing 'Кill Mr. Vallee' in his weekly planner in the section labeled 'Weekly Goals and Objectives.' And the school was freakin' out. They didn't know what to do about it. They kept asking me if I felt threatened, and I'm like, 'Why? This kid hasn't met any goals in his objectives all year.'

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

A bloke gets home from the factory and as he gets in his wife is in the kitchen. The house is spotless and the kids are clean and tidy sat watching the TV. Even the dog has had a bath. His wife calls from the kitchen, “Tea will only be five minutes, I am waiting for the pies in the microwave, and the сhiрs.”
“Fuск me,” he replied, “is the internet down or something?”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Internet Jokes

Today I decided to burn a lot of calories... So I lit a fат kid on fire!!!

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Kids Jokes Fat Jokes

How does a kid from Alabama remember how to put on his underwear? …
…
Yellow in front and brown in the back

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Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Bully: Hey diскhеаd how is your day?(Bully is saying to much shiт) New kid: I bet your аss is getting jealous of all the shiт coming out your mouth.
Class: OOOHHHH!!!

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

Sally was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 5-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
“Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

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Kids Jokes

When my daughter was little, we took a vacation to Florida. Seated on the airplane near the wing, I pointed out to Rhonda that we were above the ocean. "Can you see the water?" I asked her.
"No," she said, peering out the window at the wing, "but I can see the diving board."

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Kids Jokes

A unit in sеx education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it. A boy handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, “My mom says I can take the course as long as there’s no homework.’

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Kids Jokes Sex Jokes

I get intimidated by people a lot, but I'm mostly intimidated by English children 'cause I think that they all sound like they're 50.

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Kids Jokes

A third grader that got into trouble from time to time was in the principal’s office for a quiet talking to. “And Peter,” asked the principal, “how do yu like your teacher? Do you get along all right?’
“Oh, yes sir,” replied Peter. “ I think she’s the cream of the coop.”

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes

It’s a perfect afternoon for marinated ice cubes!
You can make your marinade from a wide choice of ingredients including:
Scotch or Irish whiskey
Canadian whisky
Bourbon (To be labeled as bourbon whiskey it must be distilled and aged in the USA from USA grain)
Vodka (Preferably something middle shelf or top shelf unless you are on a college kid’s budget)
Rum
Tequila
Jagermeister
Gin
Vermouth
Bitters
Coke
Orange juice
Water or seltzer water
7-Up or lemon-lime carbonated drink
Sliced lemons and limes
Bottoms up!

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Kids Jokes USA Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Three kids in a playground talking about their dads and how great they are.
The first one says, “My dad is the fastest man in the world, he can outrun a tiger.”
The second says, “Mine can outrun a cheetah, he’s so quick.”
The third is unimpressed and laughs, “Mine works for the council, so he’s the fastest.”
“How?” the others ask.
“He finishes work at 5.30 but he’s home by 2.

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

A kid goes up to his dad after school and says,
"Dad, I just had sеx with my teacher." The dad is proud and offers to buy the kid a bicycle. So, he takes his son to the store and lets him pick out a bike. Afterwards, the dad asks "Do you wanna ride your new bike home?" and the son says,
"No, my аss still hurts." DmR

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

This fат girl came on to me in a club..
“I’m out to get рissеd and have a good time, I’ve left the kids and my other half at home, ” She said,
“Fuск me, ” I replied, “just how big are you?”

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Kids Jokes Fat Jokes