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Вицове за Мастурбация и Самозадоволяване Masturbation jokes Onaniewitze Chistes de masturbación Анекдоты про мастурбацию Blagues sur la masturbation Barzellette sulla Masturbazione Ανέκδοτα για αυνανισμό Вицеви за мастурбација Mastürbasyon Fıkraları Жарти про мастурбацію Piadas sobre Masturbação Dowcipy o masturbacji Onanivitsar Masturbatiemoppen Onanivittigheder Onanivitser Masturbointivitsit Maszturbációs Viccek Glume despre Masturbare Vtipy o Masturbaci Anekdotai apie Masturbaciją Joki par Masturbāciju Vicevi o Masturbaciji
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Masturbation jokes

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Testing out the highest setting on your vibrator
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Когато тестваш най-високата скорост на вибратора си
Masturbation jokes
When a woman gets a vibrator; its seen as a bit 0f naughty fun: But when a man orders a 240 vault Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blow up latex doll with 6 speed pulsating pussy; elasticized anus with non drip...
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Когато една жена си купи bибpatop — това се смята за малко палаво забавление. Но когато един мъж си поръча „Fuckmaster Pro 5000“ — надуваема латексова кукла с 220 волта захранване, шестскоростна...
Dirty jokes Masturbation jokes
13 year old me realizing | don't need a girlfriend
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13-годишният аз осъзнавайки, че нямам нужда от приятелка
Masturbation jokes
When someone walks in and you have to pretend like you weren't just masturbating
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Когато някой влезе и ти се налага да се преструваш, че не мастурбираш
Masturbation jokes
When you buy batteries from the chinese and the vibrator lasts as long as your husband
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Когато купуваш батерии от китайците и вибраторът издръжда толкова дълго, колкото и на съпруга ти Quando compri le batterie dai cinesi e il vibratore dura quanto tuo marito
Dirty jokes Masturbation jokes
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she:
A) has intimacy issues
B) is frigid
C) needs to sit somewhere else on the bus
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Ако една жена се чувства неудобно да те гледа как мастурбираш, тя: A) има проблеми с интимността B) е фригидна C) трябва да седне някъде другаде в автобуса Ако на една жена ѝ е непријатно да те гледа како мастурбираш, таа: A) има проблеми со интимноста B) е фригидна C) треба да седне некаде на друго место во автобусот Si a una mujer le incomoda verte masturbarte, ella: A) tiene problemas de intimidad B) es frígida C) necesita sentarse en otro sitio del autobús Если женщине неловко смотреть, как ты мастурбируешь, она: A) имеет проблемы с близостью B) фригидна C) должна сесть в другом месте в автобусе Wenn sich eine Frau unwohl fühlt, dir beim Masturbieren zuzusehen, dann: A) hat sie Probleme mit Intimität B) ist sie frigide C) sollte sie sich woanders im Bus hinsetzen Si une femme est mal à l’aise de te regarder te masturber, elle : A) a des problèmes d’intimité B) est frigide C) doit s’asseoir ailleurs dans le bus Αν μια γυναίκα νιώθει άβολα να σε βλέπει να αυνανίζεσαι, τότε: A) έχει θέματα οικειότητας B) είναι ψυχρή C) πρέπει να καθίσει κάπου αλλού στο λεωφορείο Se una donna si sente a disagio a guardarti mentre ti masturbi, lei: A) ha problemi con l’intimità B) è frigida C) deve sedersi da un’altra parte sull’autobus Bir kadın seni mastürbasyon yaparken izlemekten rahatsız oluyorsa, o: A) yakınlık sorunları yaşıyordur B) frijittir C) otobüste başka bir yere oturmalıdır Якщо жінці незручно дивитися, як ти мастурбуєш, вона: A) має проблеми з близькістю B) фригідна C) їй треба сісти десь в іншому місці в автобусі Se uma mulher fica desconfortável vendo você se masturbar, ela: A) tem problemas de intimidade B) é frígida C) precisa sentar em outro lugar no ônibus Jeśli kobieta czuje się niekomfortowo, patrząc jak się masturbujesz, to: A) ma problemy z bliskością B) jest oziębła C) powinna usiąść gdzie indziej w autobusie Om en kvinna känner sig obekväm av att se dig masturbera, så: A) har hon intimitetsproblem B) är hon frigid C) behöver hon sätta sig någon annanstans på bussen Als een vrouw zich ongemakkelijk voelt als ze je ziet masturberen, dan: A) heeft ze intimiteitsproblemen B) is ze frigid C) moet ze ergens anders in de bus gaan zitten Hvis en kvinde er utilpas ved at se dig masturbere, så: A) har hun problemer med intimitet B) er hun frigid C) må hun sætte sig et andet sted i bussen Hvis en kvinne synes det er ubehagelig å se deg masturbere, så: A) har hun problemer med intimitet B) er hun frigid C) må hun sette seg et annet sted på bussen Jos nainen kokee olonsa epämukavaksi katsoessaan, kun masturboit, hän: A) kärsii läheisyyden ongelmista B) on frigidi C) tarvitsee istua jossain muualla bussissa Ha egy nő kellemetlenül érzi magát, amikor nézi, hogy maszturbálsz, akkor: A) intimitási problémái vannak B) frigid C) üljön át a buszon valahova máshova Dacă o femeie se simte stânjenită să te privească în timp ce te masturbezi, ea: A) are probleme cu intimitatea B) e frigidă C) trebuie să se așeze în altă parte în autobuz Pokud je ženě nepříjemné dívat se, jak masturbuješ, tak: A) má problémy s intimitou B) je frigidní C) si má sednout někam jinam v autobuse Jei moteriai nejauku žiūrėti, kaip tu masturbuojiesi, ji: A) turi artumo problemų B) yra frigidiška C) turėtų atsisėsti kažkur kitur autobuse Ja sievietei ir neērti skatīties, kā tu masturbē, viņa: A) viņai ir problēmas ar tuvību B) ir frigidā C) lai apsēžas kaut kur citur autobusā Ako je ženi neugodno gledati te kako masturbiraš, ona: A) ima problema s intimnošću B) je frigidna C) treba sjesti negdje drugdje u autobusu
Dirty jokes Masturbation jokes
A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year unaccompanied in Shemya, Alaska. The first night home, he told his wife he had something to show her.
"I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!" And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether. "Diск, ten-HUT!" And with that, his diск sprang to full еrестiоn. "Diск, at EASE!" And his diск deflated again.
"That was amazing," said his wife. "Can I bring over our neighbor to show her?"
The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of his accomplishment. So his wife brought back a delicious looking woman.
"Diск, ten-HUT!" And his реnis sprang up. "Diск, at EASE!" Nothing. "Diск, at EASE!" Still nothing. "For the last time, Diск -- at EASE!"
Frustratingly enough, nothing happened. Embarrassed, he ran off to the bathroom. Worried, his wife ran after and found that he was vigorously маsтurватing.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm giving this guy a dishonorable discharge!"
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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Military Jokes Masturbation jokes Aviation Jokes
What did the banana say to the viвrатоr?
What are you laughing for? She's not going to eat you.
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Банана среща вибратора и му вика: This Joke is Bananas! Banane zum Vibrator Mitä banaani sanoi vibraattorille? "Miksi sä täriset? Mut se aikoo syödä" Una banana vicino ad un vibratore... ma tu che tremi a fare? Mika ti devono mangiare... Een banaan en een vibrator liggen op het nachtkastje. De banaan vraagt aan de vibrator: 'Zeker jouw eerste keer, want je trilt zo'. Sur une table de nuit, se trouvent un vibromasseur et une banane. Celle-ci dit au vibro : - Mais arrête un peu de trembler comme ça! Ce n'est pas toi qui vas te faire bouffer, tout-à-l'heure! "Hva er det du skjelver så for," sa bananen til vibratoren. "Det er jo meg hun skal spise..." Was sagte noch die Banane zum Vibrator? "Zittere nicht so, das erste Mal ging es mir ebenso..."
Dirty jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes
What do you call a girl who does not маsтurвате?
A liar
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Masturbation jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Life Jokes
Yo' Mama is so fат, she masturbates to a nакеd picture of Chef Boyardee.
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Yo Momma Jokes Masturbation jokes
On the drive over to his girlfriend's house, a guy listens to a call-in sеx show on the radio. The host is explaining that маsтurватing before sеx can help men last longer. The guy decides to give it a try.
He pulls his truck over on the side of the highway, gets out and crawls underneath. Satisfied with the privacy, he undoes his pants, closes his eyes and starts to маsтurвате.
Close to оrgаsм, he feels a tap on the bottom of his boot. Not wanting to lose his fantasy when he's so close, he squeezes his eyes shut tighter and stammers, "J-just checking the r-rear a-axle. Almost g-got it!"
"Well, you might as well check your brakes while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago."
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Car and driving jokes Masturbation jokes
What do you call a маsтurватing соw?
Beef Sтrоке-n-off
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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Masturbation jokes
A guy goes to the eye doctor. In the middle of the exam, the doctor tells him, "You need to stop маsтurватing."
The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"
The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting my nurse and me."
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Don't Question Your Doctor Untersuchung beim Urologen доктор говорит пациенту: - вам нужно прекратить мастурбировать. -... Старик пришел на прием к окулисту. - Госпожо, трябва да спрете маструбирането! Вчера ходих при джипи-то. A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating." Ein Mann beim Urologen. Der Urologe: „Sie müssen unbedingt mit dem Onanieren aufhören!“ Der Mann: „Warum denn das?“ Der Urologe: „Weil ich Sie sonst nicht untersuchen kann!“ Доктор към пациент: - Трябва да спрете да мастурбирате? - Защо, докторе? - Защото ми пречи да ви прегледам. Po badaniu okulista mówi do pacjenta: - Koniecznie powinien Pan ograniczyć onanizowanie się... - Jaki ma to wpływ na wzrok? - Na wzrok żaden, ale strasznie denerwuje Pan ludzi w poczekalni. My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied,... En kille är hos doktorn, och läkaren säger: – Du måste sluta onanera! – Varför det? Är det farligt? – Nej, men det gör de andra patienterna upprörda! Kvinnen var hos gynekologen da gynekologen påpeker at hun må slutte å leke så mye med underlivet sitt. - Hvorfor det, jeg har hørt at onani er sunt svarte kvinnen. - Ja, det er sant det, men nå må... Arzt: Sie müssen dringend mit dem Mastubieren aufhören Patient: Warum? Arzt: Ich kann sie sonst nicht untersuchen En mand kommer ind til lægen. Lægen siger: “Du er nødt til at holde op med at onanere” Manden: “Hvorfor” Lægen: “Fordi ellers kan jeg ikke undersøge dig” Urologen säger till patienten: – Du måste sluta att onanera så häftigt. – Varför då? – Annars kan jag inte undersöka dig. Młoda i atrakcyjna lekarz geriatra bada sędziwego dziadka. Po kilku chwilach badania orzeka: - Musi pan przestać się onanizować. - Dlaczego?! - Bo probuję pana przebadać... Der Arzt zum Patienten: „Sie müssen dringend aufhören zu onanieren.“ Patient: „Wieso?“ Arzt: „Ich kann Sie so nicht untersuchen!“ Kävin lääkärissä valittamassa outoa alavatsakipua. Lääkäri käski minua lopettamaan masturbointi. ”Ai, onko se vaarallista”, kysyin. ”Ei”, vastasi lääkäri, ”mutta se häiritsee keskittymistäni”, Mikko meni taannoin lääkärille ja vastaanotolla lääkäri totesi: - Se on kulkaas nyt aika lopettaa masturbointi. - Miksi niin? Kysäisi Mikko. - Aion tutkia teidät nyt, vastasi lääkäri Doktorn: Du måste sluta onanera. Jag: Va? Du kan inte mena allvar! Varför? Doktorn: För att det här är ett väntrum Két barát beszélget: - Voltam orvosnál. - És, mi volt? - Azt mondta a doki, hogy hagyjam abba a maszturbálást. - Miért? - Mert nem tud megvizsgálni! Ārsts pacientam: "Jums jāpārtarauc masturbēt". - "Kāpēc, daktera kungs?"- "Tapēc , ka tas traucē jūsu apskati" Arzt: „Sie müssen sofort aufhören zu onanieren!“ Patient: „Wieso das denn?“ Arzt: „Weil ich Sie sonst nicht untersuchen kann!“
Dirty jokes Nurse jokes Masturbation jokes
What does a guy say when he's going to маsтurвате?
"I'm gonna to go hit the sack!"
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Men vs Women Jokes Masturbation jokes
Q: How did Helen Keller discover маsтurватiоn?
A: She tried to read her own lips.
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Men vs Women Jokes Masturbation jokes
Q: Why did Helen Keller маsтurвате with only one hand?
A: So she could moan with the other hand.
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Men vs Women Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Masturbation jokes
Q: What do tofu and a dildо have in common?
A: They are both meat substitutes.
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Mmmmmmmmmm... Was haben Sojabohnen und Vibratoren gemeinsam? Hvad har tofu og en dildo tilfælles?– De er begge kødsubstitutter.
Food Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes
A man went to see his doctor.
"You need to stop маsтurватing," the doctor told him.
The man asked, "Why?"
The doctor replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
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Eye Exam Untersuchung beim Urologen доктор говорит пациенту: - вам нужно прекратить мастурбировать. -... Старик пришел на прием к окулисту. - Госпожо, трябва да спрете маструбирането! Вчера ходих при джипи-то. A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating." Ein Mann beim Urologen. Der Urologe: „Sie müssen unbedingt mit dem Onanieren aufhören!“ Der Mann: „Warum denn das?“ Der Urologe: „Weil ich Sie sonst nicht untersuchen kann!“ Доктор към пациент: - Трябва да спрете да мастурбирате? - Защо, докторе? - Защото ми пречи да ви прегледам. Po badaniu okulista mówi do pacjenta: - Koniecznie powinien Pan ograniczyć onanizowanie się... - Jaki ma to wpływ na wzrok? - Na wzrok żaden, ale strasznie denerwuje Pan ludzi w poczekalni. My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied,... En kille är hos doktorn, och läkaren säger: – Du måste sluta onanera! – Varför det? Är det farligt? – Nej, men det gör de andra patienterna upprörda! Kvinnen var hos gynekologen da gynekologen påpeker at hun må slutte å leke så mye med underlivet sitt. - Hvorfor det, jeg har hørt at onani er sunt svarte kvinnen. - Ja, det er sant det, men nå må... Arzt: Sie müssen dringend mit dem Mastubieren aufhören Patient: Warum? Arzt: Ich kann sie sonst nicht untersuchen En mand kommer ind til lægen. Lægen siger: “Du er nødt til at holde op med at onanere” Manden: “Hvorfor” Lægen: “Fordi ellers kan jeg ikke undersøge dig” Urologen säger till patienten: – Du måste sluta att onanera så häftigt. – Varför då? – Annars kan jag inte undersöka dig. Młoda i atrakcyjna lekarz geriatra bada sędziwego dziadka. Po kilku chwilach badania orzeka: - Musi pan przestać się onanizować. - Dlaczego?! - Bo probuję pana przebadać... Der Arzt zum Patienten: „Sie müssen dringend aufhören zu onanieren.“ Patient: „Wieso?“ Arzt: „Ich kann Sie so nicht untersuchen!“ Kävin lääkärissä valittamassa outoa alavatsakipua. Lääkäri käski minua lopettamaan masturbointi. ”Ai, onko se vaarallista”, kysyin. ”Ei”, vastasi lääkäri, ”mutta se häiritsee keskittymistäni”, Mikko meni taannoin lääkärille ja vastaanotolla lääkäri totesi: - Se on kulkaas nyt aika lopettaa masturbointi. - Miksi niin? Kysäisi Mikko. - Aion tutkia teidät nyt, vastasi lääkäri Doktorn: Du måste sluta onanera. Jag: Va? Du kan inte mena allvar! Varför? Doktorn: För att det här är ett väntrum Két barát beszélget: - Voltam orvosnál. - És, mi volt? - Azt mondta a doki, hogy hagyjam abba a maszturbálást. - Miért? - Mert nem tud megvizsgálni! Ārsts pacientam: "Jums jāpārtarauc masturbēt". - "Kāpēc, daktera kungs?"- "Tapēc , ka tas traucē jūsu apskati" Arzt: „Sie müssen sofort aufhören zu onanieren!“ Patient: „Wieso das denn?“ Arzt: „Weil ich Sie sonst nicht untersuchen kann!“
Medical and Doctor Jokes Masturbation jokes
Chuck Norris masturbates to a picture of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Masturbation jokes
I hope the children will never find out why I say ‘oooops…. ” so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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