Old People Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Took my 72 year old father to have his eyes checked. That's when we realized his eyes were just fine.
He was ask to read the characters on the bottom line. His reply: M-A-D-E- I-N- C-H-I-N-A

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Old People Jokes

One day, while walking to the store, I passed by a Nursing Home. On the front lawn were 6 old ladies laying nакеd on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same Nursing Home with the same 6 old ladies laying nакеd on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the manager. “Do you know there are 6 ladies laying nакеd on your front lawn?” Yes,” he said. “They are retired prostitutes and they’re having a yard sale.”

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Old People Jokes

"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered.
"But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot."

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Old People Jokes

What’s the difference between me and an old man no one pulled my life support

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Old People Jokes

An old man saw the TikTok trend of people throwing it back the old man wanted to do it with his wife the man set up everything needed a did the video I threw it back first then his wife bust instead of an old lady it was ashes

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Old People Jokes

Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I’m so very sorry everyone, I punch the wrong buttons and we are heading to DC instead of New York and we are about to run out of fuel. He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, “I’ve parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers.” He jumps off.
Donald faced the other four and orders:
“I’m the greatest leader of the world and I’ll make the decision. Tony you go first, our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging.” Tony jumps off.
Francis,my friend, you go next, pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir’s and Xi’s for me." Francis jumps off.
Hillary faced faced Donald furiously. “Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I’m the smartest woman in the whole world in history.” Hillary jumps off.
Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking:
“I’m an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I’ve become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I’ve made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I’ve played more golf and …”
Greta interrjected, “Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let’s go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!”

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Old People Jokes

A 60 year old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12 year old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared”. The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone”.

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Old People Jokes

God- make a grumpy old man president
Angel-why
G-cause I said so-name him trump
A-okay
G-make him not pay taxes
A-okay…
Fast forwrd to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man
A-yea…
G-make him create a deadly virus named after a beer
A- Krona
G- exactly
A- why do you hate humans so much
G- because I can.

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Old People Jokes

A 90 year old man takes a Viagra
Strips of nакеd lies down in a ally way three chicks walks on by a blond a brunette an a red head
The red head sed I’m not letting that go to waste so she strips of an rides him when she’s finished
The brunette then strips of nакеd an rides him the blonds now worried because she just got her period the red head sez he’s dead don’t let it go to waste so she strips of nакеd an rides him then he wakes up he then send wow two jump starts an a blood transfusion I’m good to go !

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Old People Jokes

Wanna clean
Old man takes a bath with bubbles
Wanna hear the dirty
Bubbles is the 14 year old next door

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Old People Jokes

A 60 year old man said his wife called him a раеdорhilе the other day, strong words for a 6 year old

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Old People Jokes

Shaenaya is single 16 and looking for a 30 year old man that can pleasure her hhu

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Old People Jokes

When i маsтеrвате things сuм when a old man dose no one cums

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Old People Jokes

A cop pulls over an old man. The cop walks up to the old man and says, “Do you know why I pulled you over?” The old man said, “no”

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Old People Jokes

An old man walks in a forest with a child and the child says its dark and im scared the oldman says how do you think i feel i have to walk out alone

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Old People Jokes

What’s an old man’s favourite food
Wrinkled onions

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Old People Jokes

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t кill him.”

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Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” Asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies “Well, does your diск touch your аsshоlе?”
Johnny replied “No.” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his Grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” Asks Johnny.
“Does your diск touch your аsshоlе?”
“No.”
The day after that, Granpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” Asked the grandpa.
“Does your diск touch your аsshоlе, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuск yourself, this is my cookie.”

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Old People Jokes

A mom gave her son “the talk”. her son replies "wait so there really isn’t candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.

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Old People Jokes

It want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head

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Old People Jokes