Police Officer Jokes

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A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on.
The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures he can't outrun the cop and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.
The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says,
"Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and said,
"Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"
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A bloke bought himself a new BMW and was happily driving it down the road when he thinks to himself, “I wonder how fast this thing will go.” So he sticks his foot down, pulls up to over a hundred miles an hour and, before he knows it, he sees the blue lights flashing in his rear view mirror.
Without thinking things through, he keeps his foot firmly on the floor thinking, “I can outrun him.” After a few minutes, he comes to his senses and realises he isn’t getting away from this, so he pulls over in a rest stop.
The policeman gets out and walks over to the car. The man winds his window down. The policeman says to him, “do you realise what the seriousness of what you just did is?
“The man replies, “yes, officer, I do realise. I’m sorry.”
The policeman turns to him and explains that today is his last day till he retires it’s also fifteen minutes before the end of his last shift and so he really doesn’t want to do more paperwork, so he says to the man, “if you can think of a good excuse that I have never heard before, I will think about letting you go.”
The man sits and thinks for a minute and then says to the officer, “my wife left me this morning for a policeman. I was just afraid you were trying to give her back!”
The policeman says, “have a nice day, sir.”
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