Bar and Bartender Jokes

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Bartender: You've already had 13 drinks. Are you sure you want another? Me:

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

- When you finish this drink, I'll take you out. - I have a boyfriend. - You misunderstood me. We're closing up.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

When you’re standing at the bar absolutely shit faced waiting patiently for another drink

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

So a guy walks into a bar where Eminem is the bartender
Guy: Two shots please
Eminem: You only get one shot

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A liar, a cheat, and a bigot walked into a bar...
"Let's make America great again!" he said.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A guy wearing a turban walks into a bar
The bartender asks "Is this some sort of Sikh joke?"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A construction worker decided to go to a bar for a few drinks
He got hammered.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

An atheist, a vegan, and a cross fit enthusiast walk into a bar.
And everyone knows because he won't shut up about it.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes

So I ordered the 50 cent at the bar last night...
The bartender gave me 9 shots and took all my money

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

20 blondes are standing outside a bar. On the other side of the street another blond is walking by;
"Hey, come over here. You have to be 21 to enter"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

One hundred bacteria walk into a bar...
Of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan walk into a bar
I only know because they told everyone.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes

So a guy came into a bar...
No... wait, it was a horse.
So a guy came into a horse...

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Horse jokes

A woman site down next to a man in a bar and says,
"You smell good, What do you have on?"
The man says,
"I have a hard on but I didn't know you could smell it."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

Today my girlfriend asked me; if I was a candy bar, which candy bar would I be?
I said "Big Hunk. Because not many people like me, especially when they're not expecting my nuts in their mouth"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A woman in this bar just told me she wants to have my babies....
Watch my вееr while I go home and get them.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

He orders a вееr and a shot of whiskey.
A time traveler walks into a bar.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

An intellectual once went into a bar and asked for a martinus...
"Surely, you mean a 'martini', right?" - Said the bartender.
The intellectual looked at him coldly and said - 'If I wanted two, I'd have asked for them"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

So a man and a giraffe walk into a bar...
And drink until the giraffe passes out. The man goes to leave and the bartender yells, "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!" Man says,
"That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

There is a new drink at my bar.
It's called a Sandy. It's basically a watered down Manhattan.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes