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A few years I got tired of the city life and bought a little cabin In the remote mountains of Alaska. It was a long winter, but made it thru it.
One day I heard a knock at my door I opened it and there stood a big burly guy. He said he lived over the mountain and had seen my smoke. He said he is throwing a spring party over at his cabin. He said it will be tomorrow and asked me if I wanted to come?
I said ya, its been a long winter,
He said There would be a lot of drinking,
I said I like to drink.
Also there will probably be some fighting,
I said I could hold my own.
Then he said, oh, there will be a lot of sеx,
I said wow, Its been a long time for me.
He said see you tomorrow and started to walk off.
I said what time should I be there?
He said, it doesn't matter, There's only going to be you and me!
A guy takes up a new job.
On Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’ He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, ‘I can’t come in today, I’m sick.’
The boss asks the foreman about him and he replies, ‘He’s great. He does the work of two men. We need him.’
So the next day the boss calls the guy into his office and says, ‘You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You’re a good worker and I’d hate to fire you. What’s the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?’
The guy replies, ‘No I don’t drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks heavily every weekend, then beats up my sister. So every Monday morning I go over to make sure she’s alright. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know I’m fсuкing her.’
The boss says, ‘You fсuк your sister?’
The guy replies, ‘Hey, I told you I was sick.’
A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he ask her if she would have sеx with him because he only had 24 hours to live. “Of course Darling.” she replied. And so they have sеx.
4 hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again, and says, “you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?” Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sеx.
Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, “You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?”
By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, “Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?”
Well, she turns to him with a grimaced look on her face and says, “You know.. you don’t have to get up in the morning. I do!!!”
Gennaro is in this country for only 6 months. He walks to work 20 blocks every dayand passes a shoe store.
Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes.
He wants those shoes so much…. It’s all he can think about.
After about 2 months he saves the priceof the shoes, $300, and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
Gennaro seizes this opportunity to wearhis new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asksher,
Sophia, do you wear red раnтiеs tonight?’
Startled, Sophia replies,
‘Yes, Gennaro, I do wear red раnтiеs tonight,but how do you know?’
Gennaro answers,’I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes.
How do you like them?’
Next he asks Rosa to dance,and after a few minutes he asks,’Rosa, do you wear white раnтiеs tonight?’
Rosa answers,
‘Yes, Gennaro, I do,but how do you know that?’
He replies,
‘I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes.
How do you like them?’
Now as the evening is almost overand the last song is being played,Gennaro asks Carmela to dance.
Midway through the dance his faceturns red.
He states, ‘Carmela, be stilla my heart, please, please tell me you wear no раnтiеs tonight, please, please, tella me this true!’
Carmela smiles coyly andanswers,
Yes Gennaro, I wear no раnтiеs tonight.’
Gennaro gasps,
‘Thanka God ..
I thought I had a СRАСК in my$300 Boccelli leather shoes!’
A businessman is going on a business trip but wants to get something for his wife so that she can give herself pleasure whilst he's away, so he decides to go to a sеx shop. The guy didn't like the idea of his wife having sеx with another man so he didn't buy a вlоw up doll. After looking at all the sеx toys, dildоs and вlоw up dolls, he asks the old man at the cash register if he has anything else. "Yes I do." Says the old man. He gets a wooden box out and opens it. " It looks like an ordinary dildо." Says the businessman. " No it's no ordinary dildо; watch this: Voodoo diск, the door!" The dildо starts twisting at the door, "Voodoo diск, get back in the box!"
"How much does it cost?" Asks the businessman. "Sorry it's not for sale."
" I'll pay you $500."
"Okay" says the old man and sells the dildо.
When the wife is on her own she opens the box and says:
" Voodoo diск, my рussy!"
So the dildо gives her pleasure until after three оrgаsмs gets bored, but doesn't know how to tell it to stop so she puts her clothes back on and gets in her car to drive to the hospital. She has another оrgаsм and the car sways, a policeman pulls her over:
" Are you drunк? Asks the police officer. "No, I've got a voodoo diск stuck inside me."
So the policeman says:
"Voodoo diск my аss!
An old, conservative school teacher was teaching her primary class Sеx Education.
She began by saying, in her nicest voice, “Now, boys and girls, you might find this all a little confusing at first but, please, feel free to ask any questions.”
Little Billy raised his hand, “Miss, I’m confused already!”
His teacher, in a calm and understanding voice, replied, “Well, that’s natural - what is confusing you, little boy?”
“Well,” said little Billy “Why the fсuк do they call it a ‘вlоw’ job, when all she does is suск?”