Sports Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.
Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Gwenivere. The belt contained a miniture guillotine. Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all sтriр from the waist down. One by one, he went to each knight and shook his head, telling all those whose members were missing to get out of his sight. That is until he came up to Lancelot. Seeing that Lancelot was intact, he exclaimed, ''Now I knew I could count on you to be trusted. Name anything at all and it is yours.'' Lancelot replied '' UNGH!UH! UNGH!'''

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Sports Jokes

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiот.

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Sports Jokes

There were two little сrавs who met in Florida every year. One year when they arrived, one little crab was shivering terribly. The other crab asked why and he said, "I got a ride here on a man's moustache. He drove so fast, I was freezing."
"Well," the other crab said, "why don't you hide up a lady's skirt next year. Then you won't be as cold."
The little crab said, "Hey, that isn't a bad idea."
A year later, the two сrавs met at the same place, and the one little crab was shivering very badly again. The other crab asked if he had taken his advice and he said, "Yeah, I went and hid up a lady's skirt, but when I woke up in the morning I was on that's guy's moustache again!"

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Sports Jokes

Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

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Sports Jokes Nationality Jokes Insult Jokes What's The Difference Jokes

A woman walks in to a tattoo parlor and tells the artist she would like two tatoos, one of Robert Redford on her left upper thigh, and one of Paul Newman on her right thigh. After hours of work the tatoo artist is finished and holds a mirror in between the womans legs for her to view.
The woman says,'' I dont know if these really look like Paul & Robert, and I ain't payin for this if it isn't right!'' She tells the artist she will go just outside the buisness and ask someone walking down the street if they know who the two men are on her thighs, if they answer correctly she would pay the artist.
She soon sees a man walking down the street, so she pulls up her skirt and asks him, '' Can you tell me who the man on my right thigh and the man on my left thigh are?''
The man replies, '' I dunno, but the one in the middle looks like Willie Nelson.''

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Sports Jokes

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide.
On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles. ''We're lost!'' One of the hikers complained. ''And you said you were the best guide in the United States.'' ''I am,'' the guide answered, '' but I think we may have wandered into Canada.''

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Sports Jokes

Q: What did the hockey goalie say to his teammate?
A: "Let's get the puck out of here!"

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Sports Jokes

The St. Louis Symphony was playing Beethoven's Ninth one night. One bass player said to the other,
"We don't have much to do. Let's go next door for a few drinks."
They stayed for a while and got a little tipsy. One said to the other,
"To give us more time, I tied the pages of the music together, so the conductor will have to untie it when he gets near the end." They staggered back into the auditorium just in time for the finish. The next day when someone asked their friend how the concert was, they replied,
"The most exciting part was at the end of the Ninth when the score was tied and the bassists were loaded."

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Sports Jokes

Q. What's the similarity between penises and fish?
A. You throw back the small ones, you keep the medium ones, and you mount the large ones.

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Sports Jokes

What does NASCAR stand for?
Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks

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Sports Jokes

A nun wanted to enter a racehorse into a race, but then she realized that they cost way too much money, so instead, she bought a donkey.
The next day, she enters it into a contest, and it comes in third. The headlines read, ''Nun's Аss Chokes.'' The next day, she entered it in another competition and this time it came in first. The headlines were, ''Nun's Аss Wins Grand Prize.'' The following day, the owner scratched the donkey from the race. The headlines read, ''Booker Scratches Nun's Аss.'' And on the next day, the nun sold the donkey for a really cheap price. The headlines were ''Nun Sells Her Аss for $5.''

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Sports Jokes

Jоск Воотy Call... Open:
Hey ваве, I'm just trying to open up a hole! High five!

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Sports Jokes Dirty jokes

A blind man tells his friend how much he enjoys parachuting. "My hand is placed on my release ring, and then they place me in the door and tell me when to jump. Out I go!"
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" ask his friend.
"Oh," replies the blind man, "as soon as the dog's leash goes slack."

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Sports Jokes

Show me a man that thinks baseball is the national pastime and I'll show you a man who never played doctor when he was a kid!

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Sports Jokes

There was this one lady that bought a jar of pickles every week .
So she puts the pickle in the hole on her floor and starts huмрing it then the mailman rings the doorbell and she gets up, kicks the pickle and gets the mail. The next day she does the same thing and screws the pickle. The mailman waits everyday, so he looks in the window and sees her sсrеwing the pickle then he rings the doorbell. The next day he gets a substitute to do his routes. So he goes in the lady's basement and paints his diск green. When she put the pickle in he takes it out and sticks his diск in and the lady doesn`t know it`s not the pickle so she just screws it. Later on the substitute mailman rings the doorbell and then the lady kicks the pickle and gets the mail.

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Sports Jokes

Jesus and Моsеs are playing golf and they''re on the tenth hole. Моsеs hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green.
Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it, a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle, that walks over to the hole and drops it in.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, ''I hate it when your dad plays!''

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Sports Jokes

Q: Why can't DJs play pool?
A: They always scratch.

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Sports Jokes

"Did you hear they are thinking of changing the Dallas Cowboys to the Dallas Possums?"
"No, why?"
"Because they play dead at home and they die on the road."

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Sports Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

What do you get when you cross a football player with a hоокеr?
An illegal procedure.

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Sports Jokes

How do you know when you have a true redneck girl?
When she can chew tabacco and give you a вlоw job at the same time, and knows which one to spit and which one to swallow.

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Sports Jokes