Wife jokes

Newest jokes in this category

My deaf wife just told me that “We need to talk.”
That was not a good sign.

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Wife jokes

It’s really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

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Wife jokes

I’m trying to convince my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.

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Wife jokes

My wife is a body builder.
She’s pregnant.

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Wife jokes

I just found out my wife has a twin sister.
I saw her on Tinder.

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Wife jokes

Why did the wizard’s wife have hickeys on her neck?
Because he was a neck-romancer.

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Wife jokes

My wife told me she was leaving me because she couldn’t live with me always making sтuрid Star Wars puns.
I said, “Divorce is strong with this one…”

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Wife jokes Star Wars Jokes

My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.

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Wife jokes

My wife claims I have a poor sense of direction.
I don’t know where she’s coming from.

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Wife jokes

My wife came home from the doctors today and was looking all pleased with herself, so I asked her why she was so happy.
She said, “The doctor said that for a 45 year old woman, I’ve got the вrеаsтs of an 18 year old.”
I said, “Oh yeah, and what did he say about your 45 year old аss?”
She said, “Your name never came up in conversation.”

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Wife jokes

My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.
More on this after the break.

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Wife jokes

My wife and I were having this huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Finally, I threw in the towel.

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Wife jokes

My wife just threw away my favorite herb.
She’s such a thyme waster.

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Wife jokes

I went to the doctor and told him that I’m having trouble ‘satisfying’ the wife.
He told me I should do what he does.
I asked, “What’s that, then?”
He said, “Earn 100k a year.”

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Wife jokes

My wife gave me an ultimatum.
It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was as easy as pie.

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Wife jokes

My wife said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop eating pasta.
Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

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Wife jokes

My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.
She soon came around.

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Wife jokes

My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.
It’s a girl and weighs 7 lbs 12 oz.

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Wife jokes

My wife said that quilts are better than duvets.
I told her to be careful making blanket statements like that.

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Wife jokes Veterinarian Jokes

My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sеxy.
I just don’t see it.

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Wife jokes