Wife jokes

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My wife said to me, “I hate myself because I look fат. Can you give me a compliment?”
I said, “You’ve got perfect eyesight.”

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Wife jokes

My wife left me because of my depression.
Which cheered me right up.

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Wife jokes

It’s my wife’s birthday in a couple of days and when I asked her what she wanted she said she’d be happy with anything with lots of diamonds in it.
She’s going to love this pack of playing cards I’ve bought her.

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Wife jokes

I no longer see my wife and kids and it’s all because of gambling.
I won the lottery and moved to Spain.

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Wife jokes

My wife is still mad at me because I accidentally put superglue on her pen a few days ago.
She just can’t seem to let it go.

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Wife jokes

I hate when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.
It’s not like I did anything.

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Wife jokes

My wife worships me.
She puts burnt offerings in front of me every day.

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Wife jokes

My wife said she was fed up with me always getting my directions mixed up.
So I packed my bags and right.

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Wife jokes

After trying for a week, my wife just told me that she is pregnant.
She has the worst stutter ever.

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Wife jokes

My wife’s cooking is incredible.
With a silent “cr”.

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Wife jokes

Doctor: "Your wife's in hospital."
Me: "How is she?"
Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical."
Me: "Ah, you get used to that..."

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Wife jokes

“Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.”

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Wife jokes

"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can remember the exact words of the curse?" The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."

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Wife jokes

A man goes to see a wizard and says, "Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"

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Wife jokes Priest Jokes

How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife? You don’t.

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Wife jokes

I like to watch my wedding video running backwards so I can watch myself walk out of the church a free man.

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Wife jokes

It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

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Wife jokes Boss Jokes

Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two words in: “Yes dear”.

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Wife jokes

My wife crashed her car yesterday. She told the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking вееr from a can at the time.
The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own back garden.

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Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes Wife jokes Beer Jokes

I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me...."Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?"
She replied...."Your sense of humor, dear."

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One-Liner Jokes Wife jokes