Women - Page 145

While at the dinosaur exhibit in Disney’s Animal Kingdom park, I overheard a confused woman complaining to her friend.
She said,
"How could they possibly know the names of all those dinosaurs if they died 75 million years ago? And another thing, how do we even know they were called dinosaurs?"

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Man: He must be so happy!
Woman: Who?
Man: Your father.
Woman: Why?
Man: Because he gets to see an angel everyday.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

My mate told me of an embarrassing mistake he made at the airport a few weeks ago. The woman behind the desk had massive тiтs and through a slip of the tongue he said “Could I have two pickets to Titsburgh?”
I explained to him that it happens to me too, just this morning I meant to ask my wife to pass the salt and I said “ВIТСН YOU RUINED MY LIFE!”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Boob Jokes

My wife told me I had a small реnis, so I said it was big enough to hurt her.
“There isn’t a woman in the world that would be hurt by that thing,” she said.
I then showed her a video of me fсuкing her sister.
“I’ve never been so hurt in all my life,” she said.
“Argument won,” I replied

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

Two women are talking about marriage. One woman says:
“ I wonder if my husband will love me when my hair is gray.” “Why not? He’s loved you through three shades already.” Replied her friend.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

My wife is my best friend. I hang out with her all the time, which is good, but it's also kind of bad to have a woman as your best friend. It's been giving me an identity crisis and, worse than that, I'm pretty sure I've got a yeast infection.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes

I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women.
There were tons of girls there, just not very many.

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Jokes about Women Fat Jokes

The name of this song is 'Things We Want to Know.' The first verse is things men want to know about women; second verse is things women want to know about men. Here are the guys:
'Why do you think you're so pretty? And why do you wear the раnтy hose? And why do you drink so much and don't have no money? And why do you mess with my stereo?' Here are the ladies:
'Why are all your friends so sтuрid? And why don't you wipe the toilet seat? Why is your fantasy to be with two women -- and you can't handle me?'

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A woman who had thrown a dinner party, at which raw oysters, curried lamb, and steamed mussels were all served, met her physician on the street the following day. “I’m sorry you weren’t able to come to my party last night,” she said. “You are so busy these days, and I think it would have done you some good to have been there.”
“Your party has done me good,” he said. “I’ve just seen five of your dinner guests.”

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes

I, my woman and my best friend were in the pub tonight and he said, “It looks like your main squeeze is developing a spare tire.”
I said, “Yeah, My guess is that it’s a P175/65R15.”

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Jokes about Women Friendship Jokes Fat Jokes

Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised?
They know Jewish women can’t resist anything with 10% off.

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes

I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born on just by feeling their вrеаsтs.
“Really?” she said. “Go on then… Try.”
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
“Come on,” she demanded, “What day was I born on?”
“Yesterday?” I replied.

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Jokes about Women Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster because it didn't work. The cashier told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on sale. Suddenly the woman yelled, "Grab my вrеаsтs! Grab my вrеаsтs!"
The cashier didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager. The woman explained to the manager that she wanted to return the non-working toaster for a refund, and he confirmed that he couldn't give her a refund.
Once again, she yelled, "Grab my вrеаsтs! Grab my вrеаsтs!"
The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase. She replied, "I like my тiтs grabbed when I'm getting sсrеwеd!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Boob Jokes

Take five female pigs, and put them with five male deer.
You would have ten sows and bucks!

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes

I try to recycle, I try to save water, but sometimes I go, 'The hеll with it. We're losing. I'm giving up.' I want to have sеx with a women without a соndом -- a Тwinкiе in my mouth, suntan lotion all over me -- that far away from Three Mile Island, going, 'Come and get me.'

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A man sees a beautiful woman.
Approaching her, and in his coolest Barry White tone says:
" If good looks where a minute, you would be an hour"
The woman looks deep into the man's eyes and in her sexiest voice replies:
"If good looks were within your reach, you wouldn’t have any arms."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A man was caught speeding for the 7th time and a woman cop pulled him over and checked his record. She said,
"Sir, anything you say can and will be forced against you." and the man said,
"Воовs."

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to walk by again?
If it’s true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?.
Your father must be a thief, he stole the stars and put them in your eyes
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
- ” Do you belivev in love at first site, or do i need to walk by again?” Comback: I have an idea, walk by again and keep going!
Man: I’d like to call you. What’s your number? Woman: It’s in the phone book. Man: But I don’t know your name. Woman: That’s in the phone book too.
Man: So what do you do for a living? Woman: Im a female impersonator.
Man: Haven’t we met before? Woman: Perhaps, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes

When I worked for the postal service, at one house a big dog came growling at me, a woman opened the window, and called out, “You’ll be OK, just kick his ваlls…”
…So I gave the mutt an almighty boot in the воllоскs, dropping it to the ground.
“No, no!” she shouted, “The ones on the front garden”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Masturbation jokes

Two women were sitting together on an airplane. The younger woman turns to the other and says,
"I don't mean to stare but your diamond ring is gorgeous. I don't think I ever saw such a large stone." The older woman said,
"It's a very special ring; it comes with a curse!"
"Oh my, what kind of curse" said the naive young woman. This ring comes with ... Mr. Plopnick.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes