Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RАРЕ (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RАРЕD can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RАРЕD and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SСRЕW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RАРЕD once, SHAFTED twice and SСRЕWЕD as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RАРЕD could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or НЕRРЕS (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously, persons who have AIDS or НЕRРЕS will not be SHAFTED or SСRЕWЕD any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RАРЕD and are staying on will receive as much .SНIТ. …(Special High Intensity Training) as possible.The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of .SНIТ. they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough .SНIТ., please bring this to the attention of your Local MP who has been trained to give you all the SНIТ you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for: Economic Value of Individual Lives - E.V.I.L.
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