Finally, after years of research, perusal of the ancient texts, consultation with etymologists and psychiatrists, we can present a reasonably good translation of women’s English into understandable English: ……
…..
Women’s English:
Yes = No …..
No = Yes …..
Maybe = No …..
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry …..
We need = I want …..
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You will pay for this later
We need to talk = I want to complain
Sure, go ahead = I don’t want you to
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you моrоn!
You’re so manly = You sweat a lot and you need to shave
Your certainly attentive tonight = Is sеx all you think about?
Be romantic, turn off the lights = I don’t want you to see my flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = And carpeting and furniture and wallpaper . . . .
Hang the picture there = NO! I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I am about to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you aren’t going to like.
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T. V.
Is my вuтт fат? = Tell me I’m beautiful.
Nothing = Everything. (Especial caution to use of “nothing” when she is sulking!)
Everything = My РМS is acting up.
Nothing really = You’re such an аss.