I’d had enough. I decided to кill my wife.
But I couldn’t do it myself, and I needed an airtight alibi, so I asked around. I eventually heard of a big guy named Arty who kills people for $1. All you have to do is give him a picture and place of work. I found him, gave him the dollar and a picture of my old battleaxe.
“She works at the Orlando Walmart on Princeton Street,” I said.
He just shook his head, got up, and left. Just like that. I drove to a bar in Clermont Florida so I could establish my alibi. I wasn’t there, of course, but people say he grabbed her by the throat and started choking her. It wasn’t long before a security guard rushed over. Arty was so big he grabbed both of them. One neck per hand. And killed both the security guard and my wife.
It’s hard to believe but it’s true. They even ran a big story about it in the local newspaper:
“Arty chokes 2 for $1 at Walmart.”
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