Important news headlines:
21 people were killed in a 21 gun salute,
The head of the lost-and-found was reported missing,
A vegetarian has been beaten to death by a meat packer.
A 107 year-old woman is reported to be pregnant... physicians say that due to her advanced age, she will have a grown-up.
A man has barricaded himself inside his home. However he is not armed, and no-one is paying any attention to him.
A woman was severely injured while she attempted to вrеаsт-feed a wildcat.
A high-speed chase ended when the car stopped and the people got out.
An earthquake hit a maternity hospital and 3 people were killed. Luckily, 6 people were born.
A priest who has performed over 300 exorcisms was eaten yesterday by a green boogeyman.
A man who was shot 9 times yesterday and refused treatment... died today... of 9 shots.
Tragedy struck the parade last week when an uncovered manhole claimed the lives of 1200 marchers one at a time...
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