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Um velho vaqueiro contou ao seu neto: - O segredo para uma vida longa e saudável é colocar uma pitada de pólvora em seu mingau de aveia todos os dias. O neto levou este conselho a sério, e todos os... Pewien człowiek przeczytał w mądrej książce, że jeśli chce żyć długo to powinien codziennie rano jeść płatki owsiane z odrobiną prochu strzelniczego. Facet postanowił tego przestrzegać i dożył... Egy öreg cowboy egyszer azt tanácsolta az unokájának, hogy ha sokáig szeretne élni, akkor minden nap keverjen a reggelijéhez egy kis puskaport. Az unoka követte is az öreg tanácsát egész életében....
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A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"
"I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
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Technically and Reality?
One day, a little boy asks his father what the difference is between 'technically' and 'reality.'
"Son, I won't tell you the dictionary definition in fear that it will confuse you. But to help you out, I'll give you something to do. Go ask your mother if she will sleep with a вuм for $500,000 and ask your sister is she'll sleep with the garbageman for the same amount." So, the little boy goes up to his mom.
"Mommy, would you ever sleep with a вuм for $500,000?"
"You bet your аss I would!" exclaims the mother. So the little boy goes up to his sister's bedroom.
"Hey sis, would you sleep with the garbageman for $500,000?"
"I sure would!" exclaims his sister.
"Dad, Dad! Mom and sis both said they would. What does that mean?"
"Well, son," the father says. "Technically, we're millionares but in reality we live with a couple of dirтy whоrеs!"
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Kids Jokes
Three girls asked their mother if they could invite their boyfriends over for dinner.
Their mother told them to go upstairs to get ready and to call them. An hour later, when the girls were not downstairs yet, and the boyfriends had still not shown up, the mother went to check on the three girls. She went to the first girl's door and she was laughing. She didn't say anything and she went to the second girl's door. She was crying. She didn't say a word and she went to the third girl's door. The third girl wasn't saying anything. So the mother went back to the first girl's door.
"Why are you laughing?"
"It's so small it tickles!" She went to the second girl's door and asked her why she was crying.
"It's so big, I can't get it out!" She went to the third girl's door and asked her why she wasn't saying anything.
"Well," the third girl replied, "you've always told me not to talk with my mouth full!"
Kids Jokes
One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.
He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.
The salesman had some time to кill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to кill one chicken.
"That''s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman. "How do they taste?"
"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never caught one."
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