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A man goes to his doctor and says, “Please help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is really worsening.”
The doctor asks the man to come and look out of the window. “Tell me what you see there,” says the doctor and points.
"I see the Sun," answer the man.
The doctor turns to him and asks, “Sweet Jesus, how much further do you want to see?!”

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Good jokes

What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes

A man is reading his newspaper and says to his wife: “Michelle, look. Here is an article about how women use about twice as many words per day as men do.”
The wife responds: “That’s because we have to tell you everything twice”

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Jokes

One shop owner asks another:
“So, have you had any reactions yet to your ad that you’re looking for a night guard?”
“Yeah, we got robbed tonight.”

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Jokes

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as an inspiration when naming our kids.
His sister Chewbacca und his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

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Star Wars Jokes

At the restaurant, “Sir, would you prefer a red or a white wine? ”
The customer shrugs, “I don’t really care. I’m colorblind.”

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Restaurant Jokes

The boss asks his employee, “Why aren’t you working?”.
The employee explains, “Sorry boss, I didn’t see you coming.”

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Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes

A Texan tourist stands under the Eiffel tower in Paris and looks upon it in awe.
“Amazing tower,” he comments to a French guy nearby, “how many barrels does it get out in a day?”

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Good jokes

Two men walk in the jungle. One has a gun on his back and the other one a big rock. The one with the rock asks the other man:
“Why do you have a gun on your back?”
“When a wild animal comes, I can defend myself. And what about you, why the rock?”
The guy with the rock smiles proudly:
“When a wild animal comes, I can throw the rock away and run much faster!”

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Jokes

Outer Mongolia. One of the few places where your navigation can say, “Keep straight. Prepare to turn right on Tuesday morning.”

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Jokes

“Have you been sleeping by an open window, like I told you? ” asks a doctor his patient.
“Yes, just like you said, doc.”
“And is the bronchitis gone now?”
“Not yet, so far the only things gone are my laptop and cellphone.”

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Jokes

A man comes home and yells joyfully:
“Honey I won the Lotto! Pack your things for a nice big vacation!”
She asks: “Awesome! Should I pack for warm or cold weather?”
Man beams: “I don’t care. Just be on your way already!”

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Men vs Women Jokes

I thought the wind settled down a bit so we could go for a walk.
Then a crow flew past my window.
Backwards.

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Jokes

– Darling, I just called to tell you how awesome you are. You really are the love of my life.
– Sir – I’m sorry, this is a brewery!
– Oh I know…

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

The guy who gives out food at the prison canteen asks: “Eat here or take away?”
The prisoner frowns: “Not funny, Marlon! Not funny at all!!”

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Prison Jokes

Teacher: “Who do you think invented dancing, children?”
Little Johnny: “My guess is a big Irish family with just one bathroom.”

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

Two men talking on a bus:
“I’ve been riding this bus to work for 15 years now.”
“Lord Almighty, where did you get on?!”

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Jokes

Doctor says to the patient: “Your coughing sounds much better.”
The patient replies: “And no wonder. I spent a lot of time practicing.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

In a shoe shop:
- These shoes might be tight for the next two weeks.
- Don’t worry. I’ll start wearing them on the third week.

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Jokes

Wife: “It’s our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate?”
Husband: “With a minute of silence.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes