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A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks:
“Do you share the same blood group?”
The husband replies:
“We must by now. She’s been suскing my blood for years.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Despite protests, I put a high-voltage electric fence around my property.
My wife’s dead against it.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirтy things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes

Do you know why only 30% of wives make it to heaven?
Because if there were more, it would be hеll instead.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

My husband and I had very happy twenty years.
After that we met.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

- Mommy, why are all the cars beeping their horns?
- Because there’s a wedding going on.
- But isn’t the horn a warning signal, Mommy?
- Exactly, son.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

“I’ve had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I’m leaving you!”
“But honey, what about our child?”
“What child?!”
“Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Childhood is when you go to the toilet in the night and then you run back and jump in your bed, glad that the monster under the bed didn’t get you.
Adulthood is when the monster lies in the bed next to you.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

“Fancy that, Bob, I bought my wife an amazing white gold necklace with a platinum pendant and she didn’t speak to me for a month!”
“Really?! What got her so upset?”
“Nothing, that was part of the deal.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Women. A weak and helpless being from whom nothing can protect you.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

At a medical check-up:
- Do you do dangerous sports?
- Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Wife: “You know what? I refuse to talk about this anymore!”
Wife 10 second later: “And you know what else?”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Why does a rooster crow so early in the morning? He wants to get a word in before all the hens wake up.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

How did you like your lunch today, darling?”
“Oh you just have to look for reasons to fight, don’t you?!”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Optimist. A man who leaves the engine running when his wife says she’s “just going to run inside the shop to grab a bottle of milk.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

“Hey George, what would you give to have my wife?”
“Are you high?! Not a penny.”
“Deal! She’s yours!”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

If mothers-in-law would be inherently in harmony with their sons-in-law, perhaps mankind wouldn’t have spread to all the far reaches of the Globe?

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Marriage and Family Jokes

She: “All my friends are telling me I married an idiот!”
He: “What they mean is, only an idiот would’ve married you!”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

My wife and I often exchange opinions.
I come with my own and leave with hers.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Arguing with the wife is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet.
In the end you just give up and go “I Agree”.

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Marriage and Family Jokes