Most popular jokes

Turtle to turtle:
"Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"

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All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel.
If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites.
Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

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Аnаl sеx is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.

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Cessna pilot:
"Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.
Tower:
"Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!
Do you have the airfield in sight?"
Cessna:
"Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."

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Life Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes Student jokes School Jokes

A spaceman landed on the moon.
To his surprise he saw ahead of him a little shop, with the name above it:
"MORRIE COHEN, BESPOKE TAILORS."
Curious, he went into the shop.
A surprised looking man appeared behind the counter. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I’m a spaceman," replied the spaceman.
The man closed his eyes, and slapped his own cheek with one hand.
"Cutters, I asked for. And they send me spacemen!"

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Men jokes Life Jokes

When Norris hits the road, he destroys it.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said.
"What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said.
"I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said.
"How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.

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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes

My wife left for her Father's home for vacation yesterday, when I was at my office.
When I reached home, I found this note stick on the television.
I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids and these are the instructions and warnings for you....
- No need to call your friends and cousins. Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa...
2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time...
Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom?
3 - Keep your spe cs in the box..
Last time around it was found in the refrigerator.
4 - Salary already paid to maid.
No need to be extra generous.
5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not?
Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs...
And our laundry person and milkman are also different.
6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kids'...
Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work....
7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright.
No need to go to that young lady doctor again and again.
8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have gone last month which you have already attended.
No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday..
9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days.
So sleep early....
10 - Stop smiling and being happy... as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee...
They all w ill be out of station in this period....
11. Do not knock on the doors of that KALMUHI Priya, next door, on pretext of asking Sugar milk coffee powder or so one.
I stocked all these in kitchen cabinet. rnrnAnd last but not the least.
12 - Don't try to be oversmart.. rnI may be back any moment without informing you.

Happy vacation

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A man goes skydiving.
After a fantastic free fall he pulls the rip cord to open his parachute but nothing happens.
He tries everything but can't get it open.
Just then another man flies by him, going UP.
The skydiver yells, "Hey, you know anything about parachutes?
The man replies, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?

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Men jokes Life Jokes

Teller:
"Why did the blonde move to L.A.?"
Blonde:
"I don't know. Why?"
Teller:
"It was easier to spell."
Blonde:
"Easier than what?"

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Blonde Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Two men visit a рrоsтiтuте.
The first man goes into the bedroom.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘Heck.
My wife is better than that.’
The second man goes in.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘You know?
Your wife IS better.’

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?
Tequila

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

An old man goes to his doctor and says, ‘Can you give me something to lower my sеx drive.’
The doctor replies, ‘I would have thought at your age it’s all in the mind,’
‘It is,’ agrees the old man.
‘That’s why I want it lower.’

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is dog.
The second is snake.
And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.

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Animal Jokes Lawyer Jokes

My wife asked if I would give it to her "doggy style."
So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.”
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.’

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Money jokes Old People Jokes Grandparent Jokes

The angry wife met her husband at the door.
There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

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Ten common fishing terms explained
Catch and Release - A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it's limit.
Hook - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).
Line - Something you give your co-workers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.
Lure - An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.
Reel - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.
Rod - An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.
School - A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead.
Tackle - What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.
Tackle Box - A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.
Test - (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming "that dаrn line" for once again losing the fish.

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Monday jokes School Jokes

Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Chuck Norris can кill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can кill two stones with one bird.

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Most Popular Jokes