; ; ; My missus is an absolute saint who goes out of her way to help anyone in need. Only last week I came home early from work and there she was, giving up her own time to help my mate Dave study for... ; ;

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Cheating Jokes, Infidelity Jokes, Adultery Jokes

My missus is an absolute saint who goes out of her way to help anyone in need. Only last week I came home early from work and there she was, giving up her own time to help my mate Dave study for his exam.
I didn't even know he was training to be a gynaecologist.

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, “I’m sleeping with the priest’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?”
The friend doesn’t like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks Mike what he’s really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest, “My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”
The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike’s shoulder and says, “You’d better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago.”

A guy with a gun enters in a bar.
- Who had sex with my wife?
A voice was heard in the background:
- You don`t have enough bullets mate!

I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.
I said, “What’s going on?”
“You tell me?” replied my wife.
I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.”
“A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!”
I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?”

When it comes to sex, my wife and I like different things.
She likes missionary and doggy position. I like my receptionist.

The college teacher noticed that his exchange student, André, suddenly had started attracting a lot of female attention.
So, one day he asks André about his secret. André replies:
“Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer”.
Later that day, the college teacher gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome opportunity for sex. So, he quickly undresses and starts banging his dick against the dresser, just before hearing his wife calling from the shower:
“Is that you, André?”.

Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his dick after his mistress found the ring in his trouser pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep
I don’t know what’s worse:
1) Having your mistress find out you’re married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your dick
3) Or finding out your dick fits through your wedding ring.

A husband and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. “You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. “What took you so long to answer?”
“I was in bed.”
“What were you doing in bed this late?”
“Getting a second opinion.”

Jonh asked his father for an iPhone ...
- Dad, will you give me an IPhone?
- What is the magic word?
- Mary!
- Who's Mary?
- Your lover!
- Do you want a film? Cover? What color?

There was a guy named John, who was the most positive guy in the whole world. Every time anyone said something negative, John would always say, “It could have been worse.”
One day, John’s coworkers all got together and decided to come up with a scenario so bad that John couldn’t say that it could have been worse.
When John arrived at work that day, one of his coworkers asked him, “John did you hear what happened to Sam last night?”
John replied, “No, what?” The coworker replied, “When Sam got home last night, he found his wife in bed with another man. Sam shot the man, his wife, and then turned the gun on himself!” John replied, “Well, it could have been worse.” In disgust the coworker replied, “Now how could that have been any worse?” John replied, “Because if it had been the night before, he would have shot me!”

“What on Earth do you see in that woman that you don’t see in me? ” asked my wife.
“My cock, ” I replied.

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