Newest jokes - Page 1533

A husband-and-wife photography team we know shoot their pictures together, do their developing and printing together-in fact, they’re together 24 hours of the day. We wondered how they managed to keep up such good working relations.
"Well, frankly," the wife said,
"It wouldn’t work out if one of us didn’t have a good disposition."
"Which one?" we asked.
"Oh," she laughed, "we take turns."

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Have you ever been dating anyone, and you think they're normal, and all of the sudden, they start freaking out on you? They start yelling, 'Untie me!'

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Marriage and Family Jokes

My son just asked me if cats can have babies when they aren't married and I told him yes, but I honestly don't know.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

What's the funniest joke ever?
Chris Benson

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Kids Jokes

Babies are neat, but raising a good kid -- that deserves a medal. Instead of baby announcements like, 'We're proud to announce the arrival of an eight-pound boy,' wait 20 years 'til you're really proud to announce, 'Our 180-pound boy is finally out of the house. He's drug-free, НIV-negative, and hasn't knocked anyone up yet. We're proud.'

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

A mom has three kids:
The first sibling walks up and asks, "Mom, why is my name rose?" The mom answers, "Because when you were little a rose landed on your head."
The second siblings walks over and asks, "Mom, why is my name petal?" The mom answers, "Because when you were little a petal landed on your head."
The third sibling runs over and says with a lot of excitement, "Mom! Mom! I can count to potato!"
The mom sighs and says,
"Go away brick..."

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Kids Jokes

Three small kids were bragging about how tough they were. “I’m so tough”, said the first little boy, “that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week.” The second little boy said, “I’m so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day.” “That’s nothing”, said the third child. “When my parents take me to see my Grandma and Grandpa, I can wear them out in an hour."

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Kids Jokes

Inside, Michael Jackson is a black man. He has the sреrм of a black man. Sure, he's gonna marry Brooke Shields, but his kid's gonna look like J. J.

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

Girl: Push it harder!
Boy:It's stuck!
*Mum walks into room*
Mum:What are you kids doing?
Boy and Girl: We got the window stuck.

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

Teacher: Did you do your homework?
Me: Did you grade my test?
Teacher: Not yet...
Me: Shiт happens.

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Insult Jokes

Jеrк: You suck
Me: You swallow
Jerk: You choke
Me:Your hire

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Insult Jokes

Teacher: Ok class, can anyone tell me what PEMDAS means?
Student:
"Please Excuse My Dope Аss Swag!!!!"

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Insult Jokes

Jack*ss- yo twig why so skinny
Me- because every time look at you I have to vomit

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Insult Jokes

If вullshiт could float... You'd be the Admiral of the fleet!

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Insult Jokes

I walked in on my best friend маsтurватing on her period last night. Let’s just say she was caught red handed.

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Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

Thirty years ago I murdered both of my parents in a fit of rage.
I then slaughtered both of my sisters and my brother. Before I calmed down, I visited all my friends and killed each and every one of them.
It was a terrible episode in my life and I regret it now more than ever.
I get released tomorrow and there’s no one to pick me up.

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Friendship Jokes Criminal Jokes

Stand-Up Comedian:
"You should have seen my show last night. It was standing room only."
Stand-Up Comedian's Friend:
"Oh yeah? You were that good?"
Stand-Up Comedian:
"That, and the fact that some thieves stole all the chairs out of the club the night before."

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Friendship Jokes

When I asked my friend if she was planning to attend church, she just shook her head.
"I haven't gone in a long time," she said. "Besides, it's too late for me. I've probably already broken all seven commandments."

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Religion jokes Friendship Jokes

My Friend: Did you know a sсrеw and the wall can have sеx.
Me: No?
My friend: Yeah it can because my sсrеw went threw the wall and the wall was your mom!
Me: Tell that too you sister!
My friend: I Dont have a sister!?!
Me: You will in 3 mounths.
Classroom:OHHHH!
Teacher: Shut up every one! This is reading class no one should be talking
Me: Ok shut up!
Classroom:OHHHH!
Teacher: Principle now.
Me: Principle isnt in here dumbie.
Teacher: Ok smart guy whats 9+10?
Me: 3 babys and some сuм left over.
Teacher: Ok im calling your parents!
Me: You cant there making a dog.
Teacher: How the FUСК can they MAKE a dog.
Me: You just said it.
*Teacher storms out the room*
Bully: Man you got to have no ваlls to do that.
Me: I know you'll find the answer for that in a few days
*Bullys phone rings*
Bully: Hello. YOUR PREGNATE!
Me: Never mind you'll find out now.
Thx for reading this give me a kickass for how long this was!
By the way give me a kickass for a free asian chick!

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

Two elderly women had been friends for over forty years. Each one was losing their hearing. Minnie asked,
"Are you going to be home today?"
"Yes, as far as I know," replied her friend, Adie.
"Good I have a gift for you."
"Esther Price?" Adie asked.
Knowing Minnie loved Esther Price candy, she assumed the gift was candy. As the day wore on, Minnie finally arrived with a book on Smoothies. Adie was confused. "I didn't know Esther Price sold books?"
"They don't."
"But this morning you said they did."
"Oh, I thought you said, 'That's nice.'"

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Jokes about Women Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

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