Newest jokes - Page 1542

“How should I have played that last shot?” the bad golfer asked his partner.
“Under an assumed name.”

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One-Liner Jokes

My brothers bike had no веll it deserves a nobel prize

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One-Liner Jokes

“Will you love me when I’m old and ugly?”
“Darling, of course I do.”

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One-Liner Jokes

One day on his way to work, a man stopped at the cafeteria as it began to rain. Forgetting that he hadn't brought an umbrella, he reached for the nearest one when he got up to leave.
"That's my umbrella," a woman immediately scolded. Abashed at his mistake, he left and walked to his office. He was drenched by the time he arrived. Once there, he discovered three umbrellas that he had left in the office over the months, and he decided to bring them home at the end of the day.
That afternoon he ran into the same woman who had confronted him earlier. She looked at the umbrellas, then at him, and tartly remarked, "You did real well for yourself today, didn't you?"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

My boss called me into his office today and said, “I’ve noticed you nodding off during team meetings recently. Are you getting enough sleep?”
“Not really, the meetings are a lot shorter these days.”

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Office and Work Jokes Masturbation jokes

Doctor Simon is known throughout town as one of the best consultants on arthritis. He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment.
One day, Betty, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room.
She is completely веnт over and leans heavily on her walking stick. A chair is found for her. Eventually, her turn comes to go into Doctor Simon’s office.
15 minutes later, to everyone’s surprise, she comes briskly out of his room walking almost upright. She is holding her head high and has a smile on her face.
A woman in the waiting room says to Betty, “It’s unbelievable, a miracle even. You walk in веnт in half and now you walk out еrест. What a fantastic doctor he is. Tell me, what did Doctor Simon do to you?”
“Miracle, shmiracle,” says Hetty, “he just gave me a longer walking stick

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

“If my boss doesn’t take back what he said to me, I’m leaving the company.” I said
“What did he say?” asked my wife
“Leave the company.”

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Office and Work Jokes

Claude, the invisible man, was low on funds and started job prospecting. His employment agency called him into their office with a job opportunity.
"I think this would be a great job for you," said the counselor. "A mirror salesman."
"I don't know," Claude replied. "I just can't see myself doing that."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

An Antartican was in the therapist office:
Dr. Hieden: Why are you here?
Antartican: I tried to commit suicide by taking 1,000 aspirins!!!!
Dr. hieden: What happened?
Antartican: Well after the first two I felt better!!!!

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

As a Speech therapist, I was working with a preschooler on body part identification and the 'k' sound. To that end, I had him use Play-Doh to make a sculpture of me.
“Is that my neck?” I asked, trying to get him to repeat the word.
“No, that’s your сhin,” he said.
He added more Play-Doh. “Is that my neck?” I asked.
“No, that’s your other сhin.”

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Office and Work Jokes

My mate was telling me he wanks off old men for money.
“You need help!” I shouted.
“So you’re judging me?” He asked.
“No, I just know how tiring маsтurватiоn is and I could do with earning a few extra quid myself.”

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Money jokes Men jokes Masturbation jokes

They should legalize marijuana. They should legalize it, because if they do, of course, like cigarettes and everything else, it would have to be federally regulated, which means it would have to be inspected -- which means everybody would want to go down and get a job at the plant.

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Money jokes

My father in law said ’20 grand to leave my daughter!’
I thought it about it for a while and said ‘Yeah ok, that sounds fair.’
So I packed my bags, paid him the money and left.

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Money jokes Masturbation jokes

Just donated a large amount of money to a rаре clinic. At first they refused but I just wouldn’t take no as an answer.

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Money jokes

America where we celebrate Memorial Day with mattress sales.

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Money jokes USA Jokes

My car has become known locally as ‘the рussy wagon’. Not because I’m good at getting girls but because I cry a lot when I’m alone.

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Jokes

A guy walks in to the Barbershop. Barber says,
"What will it be today?" Guy says,
"Well I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up." Barber says,
"Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that."
Guy says,
"That’s how you cut it last time"

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Jokes

Jimmy has 42 candy bars. Jimmy eats 24. What does jimmy have now? Diabetes.. Jimmy has diabetes.

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Jokes

There are different types of country dancing.... square, round and line.
No one ever told me you need a year of geometry before you can learn to dance!

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Jokes

A conscience does not prevent sin; it only prevents you from enjoying it.

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God Jokes

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