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Latest Jokes

Luigi is bragging to his friend Pasquale: …
…
“I justa bought a piece of field that is-a 2 cm wide and-a 10 km long.” …
“What-a on Earth are you going to do with a field-a like that? … not even-a one inch by six-a miles?”
….
“Grow-a spaghetti, of course.”

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Friendship Jokes Stupid Jokes

My best friend is a real dunce. He just got fired from his job.
He told his boss he was too tired to go into work last night.
He's a mattress tester!

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Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes

Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.

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Friendship Jokes

They say men think about sеx every 7 seconds, so when I eat a hotdog I try to finish it in 6 seconds so it doesn’t get awkward.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

I am a sеx machine. No, I mean that literally.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I read with some dismay that the population of Earth is due to hit the 8 billion mark this week.
That means there are 4 billion women out there, and I still can’t find one of the вiтсhеs who’s willing to let me shаg them.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sеx and she said,
"No, one drag is enough."

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Sex Jokes

Sam was looking for a little “action.” He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. …
…
Little did he know she was dамn near a nymphomaniac.
After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time Sam told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.
On the way out he stopped in the men’s room. He stood in front of the urinаl, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he couldn’t find “it.”
After a couple of minutes “fishing around” he finally said, “Look, it’s OK. She’s not here!”

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Men jokes Sex Jokes Hotel Jokes

How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.

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Animal Jokes

Mating call of a seagull:
“Twert Twert!”
Mating call of an owl:
“Twoo Twooo!”
Mating call of a blackbird:
“Stick it up my аss Winston!”

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Animal Jokes

An elephant was walking in a park. With each step he took, he squished many little ants. Upset, the ants began to crawl up on the elephant -- first his legs and then up all over his body. When the elephant started feeling all the little ants on him, he shook hard, making all the little ants, except for one, fall to the ground. As the only ant on the elephant hung on close to the elephant's neck, the ones on the ground began to yell, "Strangle him!!! Strangle him!!!"

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Animal Jokes

Can’t believe how awesome my new pet goldfish is. Just found out that if you put it on the carpet it can actually do break dancing.

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Animal Jokes

What drug was the duck on?
Qwack!

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Animal Jokes

My man tried to leave me for talking too much, but I talked him out of it.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

“Tell me when you’ve come,” I panted to my wife as I pumped away.
“1987 and twice in 1993.” she said.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

I feel safe sharing secrets with my husband, as I know he will not share them with anyone.
How can I be so sure?
Because he never listens to me.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

I got in a big fight with my girlfriend. She's really immature. She sleeps with this big sтuрid teddy bear. I told her, 'I can't believe you're 25, and you sleep with a sтuрid teddy bear.' She goes, 'So what? You sleep in your pajamas.' And I go, 'A lot of guys sleep in their pajamas.' She goes, 'Yeah, but you sleep in your bedroom slippers, too.' See what I mean? She's so sтuрid. I don't have any choice because they're sewn into the pajamas.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

A fourth marriage meant yet another name change for me. I didn’t realize the upheaval it had caused until I asked my father why I hadn’t heard from him in a while.
"I forgot your phone number," he said.
"You could’ve looked it up in the phone book."
"I didn’t know what name to look under."

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Marriage and Family Jokes

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
Dear Wife,
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sеxy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband,
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toyboy. You being an accountant will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Hotel Jokes Secretary Jokes

This is what I realized about women: women don't want a nice guy right away. See, I am a nice guy. I'm like ready-made cookies. I'm Flips 'Ahoy -- out of the box, ready to date.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes