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Latest Jokes

Two hedgehogs are in the middle of the road by a zebra crossing. One says, "Don't cross here!"
The other one says, "Why not?"
The first one says, "Look what happened to this zebra!"

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Animal Jokes

What is a Zebra?
A Z-вrа is 25 sizes вiggеr than an A-вrа.

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Animal Jokes

Q:
How do you get ten fат cows in your basement? A: Hold a tupperware party!

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Animal Jokes

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer.
''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''
The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''
''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?''
The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''
''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Мiск Jagger?''
''Yeah, he's my dad.''
''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?''
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''
The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.''
''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''
The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''

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Office and Work Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Music and Musician Jokes Banker Jokes Dad Jokes Boss Jokes

Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet bowl?
A: He got рissеd off.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

What's the only animal that has to be oiled?
A mouse. Why? 'Cause it squeaks!

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Animal Jokes

Q: How do you talk to a fish?
A: You drop him a line.

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Animal Jokes

What do you call a monket...
What do you call a monkey lost in a desert?
Scewed

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Animal Jokes

How Do You Catch?
How do you catch a unique animal?
You 'neak up on it.

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Animal Jokes

Why do moths fly with their legs open?
Cause they've got huge mothballs!

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Animal Jokes

What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten?
An old cat scratches and bites but a little рussy never hurt anybody!

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Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

A boy asks his mother for breakfast. She says, "Not until you feed the animals."
The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicks the chicken. He does the same with the соw and the pig. The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry. His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the соw, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon."
Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat. The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

What animal should you never play cards with?
What animal should you never play cards with? A cheetah!

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Animal Jokes

I was walking home when I noticed a couple of robins laying down in the sun.
I let my talking cats out and the kitten said to her mom, ''I'm hungry!''
So the mother cat said, ''What would you like?'' The kitten replied, ''I don't know!''
Then the mother cat looked at the robins and said, ''How about some basking robins?''

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Animal Jokes

Q: Why did the duck travel to a dangerous neighborhood?
A: He wanted to buy some quack.

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Animal Jokes

Where do you get Virgin Wool?
From an ugly sheep!

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Animal Jokes

Q: What did the doe say when she came running out of the woods?
A: "I'll never do that for two bucks again."

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Animal Jokes

Q: What's a wok?
A: Something you throw at a wabbit.

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Animal Jokes

Q: What is a fly without wings?
A: A walk.

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Animal Jokes

Who is Marylou?!?
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."'
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."

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Animal Jokes Dog jokes Coffee Jokes