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President Trump called President Duterte of the Philippines with an emergency:
"Our largest соndом factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a national disaster!"
"Donald, the Filipino people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied Duterte. "I do need your help," said Donald. "Could you possibly send 100,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Duterte. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Donald.
"Yes?" said Duterte.
Showing off, Donald said,
"Could the condoms be red, white, and blue in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?"
"No problem," replied Duterte, with that, Duterte hung up and called the owner of Philippine Prophilactic. "I need a favor, you've got to make 100,000,000 condoms right away and send them to the White House."
"Consider it done Mr. President," said the owner of Philippine Prophilactics. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red, white and blue in color, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said Duterte, "on each one, print 'MADE IN THE PHILIPPINES, SIZE-SMALL' ."
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So John and Peter were riding a flight on Philippine Airlines, everything was going smoothly, and then something went wrong with the engine!
Sirens were blaring in the cockpit, and the pilot issued a PSA to the cabin saying "Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking. unfortunately we have lost one engine, but do not worry, I will ensure your safety.
The plane lands on water, and the captain calmly says,
"Hello passengers, we have successfully landed on the water, I hope all of you are fine! Now, all of the people who can swim, please go to the right side of the plane. The people who can't, please go to the left.
Peter mentioned to John, "Pare (word in filipino meaning close friend), this is what I love about Philippine Airlines! They always have backup plans for every situation!"
John replied, "Yeah, pare, I agree, the crew is well trained in these situations!"
After everyone was arranged according to their swimming abilities, the captain spoke, "Everyone who can are on the right side of the plane, please evacuate the plane immediately and carefully. And to those on the left side of the plane..."
"Thank you for flying Philippine Airlines."
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An American, a Japanese, and a Filipino are relaxing along the upper board of a cruise ship.
All of a sudden, the American throws his iPhone to the ocean.
The Japanese, suprised, asked the American, "Why throw iPhone?"
The American replied, "Don't worry man, there are lots of iPhone in the states."
The Filipino mumbled, "Wow, what a waste."
The Japanese went to his quarter, took out his laptop, then throws it to the ocean.
The American, to his surprise, asked the Japanese, "Hey, why did you do that?"
The Japanese replied, "No worry! In Japan, we have many raputappu."
The Filipino mumbled again, "Dамn this rich мотhеrfuскеr. He could have given the laptop to me instead."
A few moments later, a Korean guy approached them and said hi. Suddenly, the Filipino pushed the Korean out of the ship into the ocean. The Japanese and American are both surprised but before anyone could speak out, the Filipino said,
"Don't worry, der are lats op Korean in da Pilipins."
Note:
Sorry for grammar, English is not my native language.
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