Morbid jokes

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Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.

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Morbid jokes

What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.

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Morbid jokes

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn’t opened her present yet.

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Morbid jokes

""I work with animals,"" the guy says to his Tinder date. ""That's so sweet,"" she replies. ""I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"" ""I'm a butcher,"" he says.

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Morbid jokes

What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.

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Morbid jokes

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

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Morbid jokes

Why was the lереr hockey game canceled? It was because of a face-off in the corner.

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Morbid jokes

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its вuтт.

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Morbid jokes

What’s the special dish in a restaurant for cannibals? Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes

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Morbid jokes Restaurant Jokes

Why are friends a lot like snow? If you рее on them, they disappear.

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Morbid jokes

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

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Morbid jokes

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

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Morbid jokes

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

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Morbid jokes

Happy 60th birthday. At last, you can live undisturbed by life insurance agents!

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Morbid jokes Insurance Comedy

Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to hit you. That's the punch line.

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Morbid jokes

The cemetery is so crowded. People are just dying to get in.

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Morbid jokes

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.

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Morbid jokes

I know a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

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Morbid jokes

I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in!

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Morbid jokes

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.

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Morbid jokes

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!

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Morbid jokes

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.

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Morbid jokes

People with Covid have no taste!

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Morbid jokes

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.

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Morbid jokes

I heard Sony is coming out with a new video game console to help us get through the pandemic. It's called the Plaguestation 5.

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Morbid jokes

I’ve stopped making jokes about Covid to my brother. They flu over his head.

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Morbid jokes

I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

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Morbid jokes

I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.

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Morbid jokes

My daughter asked me how stars die. ""Usually an overdose,"" I told her.

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Morbid jokes

What do you call it when every one of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.

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Morbid jokes

What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral? Not a word.

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Morbid jokes

Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.

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Morbid jokes

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

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Morbid jokes

Since the pandemic started, my husband just stands there sadly looking through the window. I should probably go let him inside.

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Morbid jokes

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
Because they're headcases.

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Dark Humor Jokes Morbid jokes Cannibal Jokes

Yo mama so dамn ugly,her mom throw her out the hospital window when she was born and said"You ugly аss вiтсh".

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Vulgar jokes Yo Momma Jokes Ugly Jokes Morbid jokes