Morbid jokes

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What is the difference between Iron man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

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Morbid jokes Superhero Jokes

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

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Morbid jokes Restaurant Jokes

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. But, I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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Morbid jokes Military Jokes

Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because he’s dead.

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Morbid jokes School Jokes

What’s the difference between a hipster and a football player? A football player showers.

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Morbid jokes

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

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Morbid jokes

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put down.

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Morbid jokes

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

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Morbid jokes

The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.

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Morbid jokes

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

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Morbid jokes

What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

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Morbid jokes

My parents raised me as an only child, which really рissеd off my sister.

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Morbid jokes

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.

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Morbid jokes

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

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Morbid jokes

My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

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Morbid jokes

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

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Morbid jokes

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

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Morbid jokes

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

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Morbid jokes

Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.

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Morbid jokes

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, ""This isn't working."" I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

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Morbid jokes