Animal Jokes

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Two robins were sitting on a fence post in front of a freshly plowed field. One robin said to the other "I'm hungry! Are you?"
"Yes," said the other robin. "Why don't we go in this field and get some worms to eat." They went in the field and started eating. They ate until they were so full they could not even move. The first robin said "I can't move, lets just stay hear and bask in the sun."
"Ok," said the other robin. In a few minutes both robins fell asleep. Later that day the farm cat came up and ate both robins. When finished he remarked "I love Basken Robins."

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Animal Jokes

Abner: We've got a hen down at our house that lays white eggs.
Luke: What's so wonderful about that?
Abner: Can you do it?

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Animal Jokes

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator teeth," the Indian replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."
"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

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Animal Jokes

You guys familiar with Elliot's Peripheral Extrapolation Theorem? That's the one that states that depending on the size of an enclosure, i. E. an aquarium or terrarium, that the animal, i. E. fish or lizard, that you put in that area will grow depending on the size and the room it has to grow in. And based on that, I've been wearing some very large underwear.

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Animal Jokes

Two cats want to cross the river. One is named one-two-three, the other is named un-deux-trois. Who made it across the river first? One-two-three did. Un-deux-trois cat sank.

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Animal Jokes

When Kermit is broke and has no girl, what happens? …
…
He tries to pick up a fast greenback.

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Animal Jokes

Nothing says' I love my dog' quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own.

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Money jokes Animal Jokes

After a hard days work of making balloon animals and entertaining kids a clown asks his boss if he could have a raise and the boss replied "ha, after 20 years of working with you its about time you made me laugh!"

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

I'm opposed to product testing on animals, especially in cosmetics research. What can we possibly learn from it? So what if a dog looks good in lipstick?

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Animal Jokes

Florida seagulls are really boosting the local economy. Today two gulls flew into a Ford dealership and put a substantial amount down on a shiny new SUV.

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Animal Jokes

Three ducks, in line, are crossing the road. “The duck in the back says, “Quack, quack!”
The duck in the front says, “Hey, I’m moving as fast as I can!”

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Animal Jokes

My Toy Pomeranian got ate by my grumpy old cat. I hated it and I loved the little guy!
A few days later the cat coughed the little hairball up!
Hey, he lost a few pounds and looks pretty good!

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Animal Jokes

Rhonda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don’t worry about my bulldog. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!”
When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you sтuрid ugly bird!”
To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes

When a cat meets you, he's like, "Die." Then you work up to that purr; that purr means something. People are like, 'My dog loves me.' I'm like, 'Yeah, but your dog would also love a bag of sticks with your t-shirt on it.'

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes

In good weather, my friend Mark always let his yellow-naped Amazon parrot, Nicky, sit on the balcony of his tenth-floor apartment. One morning, Nicky flew away, much to Mark’s dismay. He searched and called for the bird, with no luck.
The next day when Mark returned from work, the phone rang. “Is this Mark?” The caller asked. “You’re going to think this is crazy, but there’s a bird outside on my balcony saying, ‘Hello, this is Mark.’ Then it recites this phone number and says, ‘I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you will leave a message at the tone, I will call you back.’ So I'm guessing this is your bird?”

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

Did Noah include termites on the ark?

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Animal Jokes

A cat in Florida had its life saved by a blood transfusion from a dog.
Unfortunately, it later died from exhaustion after chasing itself around the house.

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Animal Jokes

The following conversation took place in a park.
Person 1 “Is that ur dog?”
Person 2 “No I had to adopt him. I spent years trying to make one but in the end wasn’t able to conceive.”

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Animal Jokes

What did the Bloodhound say after the briefing?
"Smells like a plan!"

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Animal Jokes

If a parrot is able to recite the Lords Prayer does that make it a bird of prey?

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Animal Jokes