Animal Jokes

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An old man always had his dog chained up, and one day he decided to take the dog out hunting with him. Since the dog has been chained up for so long it ran for a chance at freedom. The man ran after the dog hoping to catch it. The dog ran over a cliff. The man said,
"Dog gone it."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

One caterpillar to another, as they watch a butterfly:
"You'll never get me up in one of those things."

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Animal Jokes

A man who worked in a cruise liner as a magician had a parrot and every time the man did a trick the parrot yelled, “it’s in the pocket,”
“it’s in the pocket,” the magician would do another trick and the parrot yelled, “it’s in the hat”, “it’s in the hat.”
One day during his act the cruise liner had a problem and the ship sunk. The parrot came up from the water and looking confused said; “NOW WHERE DID HE HIDE THE SHIP.”

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

Michael and Timothy had just left the Pub and decided to take a shortcut through O'Leary's farm when they chanced upon O'Leary's prized stallion. Promptly, Timothy raised it's tail, took a quick swipe then applied it to his lips.
Michael, dumbfounded, asked:
"Is horse manure good for chapped lips?"
Timothy replied:
"I don't know, but it sure keeps me from lickin' em!"

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Animal Jokes

Apart from Humans, the only animal that enjoys having sеx is a Dolphin…….
I had to shаg a lot of animals to find that out.

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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Apparently the worlds laziest fish was discovered last week, it only swims 1 inch per day. The fish lives in the Black Sea, no surprise there!

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Animal Jokes

I have a pet who is a continual source of personal annoyance and irritation. Truth be told, he really bothers the heck out of me.
I named my pet, "Peeve."

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Animal Jokes

Just bought some venison from the supermarket, its dead deer.

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Animal Jokes

Q. Why do Pandas have black eyes?
A. Because they can’t satisfy their man.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

What kind of animal hates to do it's laundry the most?
A Leopard because it has so many spots.

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Animal Jokes

I lost a valuable Indian Head penny in my yard the other day. Good thing I have my pet bloodhound Barney. I let him outside to try to find it, and good ol' Barney picked up the cent right away!

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Animal Jokes

Two snakes are slithering around. The first one looks at the second and asks "Hey, are we poisonous?"
The second one replies "No, why?"
The first one says "Whew! Cuz I just bit my lip!"

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Animal Jokes

An ad at the zoo: ‘Don't scare the ostriches! The floors are concrete!'

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Animal Jokes

Morris the cat and Duke the dog were talking with each other.
Morris:
"What's up Duke? You look like you're in pain."
Duke:
"Mmm er mmme errmmm."
Morris:
"What'd you say? I can't understand you."
Duke (pointing off to the side):
"Uhhhhh mmmm eeeeerrrrruf."
Morris then looks off to the side where he sees his cousin Felix running away with something hanging out of his mouth.
Duke (still pointing):
"Thhhhh eeee rrrrrrf uuuhh!"
Morris:
"Oh, I get it. Cat got your tongue huh?"

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Animal Jokes

Jack was single. He lived in a small flat, which he shared with a pet parrot and a pit bull terrier named spike. When Jack's dishwashing machine broke down, he asked his neighbor Pet, the repairman to come and fix it. “The terrier won't harm you,” said Jack before leaving, "But whatever you do, NEVER SPEAK TO THE PARROT"
Soon after, the parrot started on Pet:
"I heard your wife shout at you the other day, you are such a wimp" Pet ignored it and kept working. "You couldn't change your flat tire the other day" said the parrot, “so how are you going to fix a dishwashing machine?"
Fed up, Pet replied, "Okay. How would I expect you, with the brain the size of a bean to talk any sense?"
That’s it! Said the parrot, Spike, Get him!

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Single People Jokes

If cats could text you back, they wouldn't.

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Animal Jokes

How do dogs communicate in the modern world?
P-mail
And how do they tweet?
Wee-mail

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Animal Jokes

Canadian geese are known to fly in a "V" shaped as they migrate across the county. The lead goose in the "V" cuts through the air making it easier for the rest of the geese behind him. As that lead goose becomes tired, he will drop off and join one of the sides and a new lead goose will take over. This is done several times as they are flying long distances. So if you look up in the sky and see a "V" shape of geese and one side is longer than the other, do you know what that means?
A:(There are more geese on that side)

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Animal Jokes

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, " I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs,she kept laughing and saying, "I don't THINK so."

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Animal Jokes

In the Moreno Valley (Calif.) Recycler:
"Homing pigeons free to good home. Must live far, far away."

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Animal Jokes