Attitude Jokes

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Just tell me when and where and I'll be there 20 minutes late.

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Attitude Jokes

I'm good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 28 things that I'm putting off until later.

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Attitude Jokes

All I'm saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?

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Attitude Jokes

The only reason I've been going out with this guy all summer is because I have no idea how to operate my gas grill.

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Attitude Jokes

Sorry I didn't text you back, but my phone recognized your number.

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Attitude Jokes

They said too much of everything is bad... But too much of goodness ain't bad?

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Attitude Jokes

Here, you can always find a party. Where I come from, the Party can always find you.

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Attitude Jokes

I am known at the gym as the "before picture."

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Attitude Jokes

"What else can we think about?"
- Insomnia

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Attitude Jokes

If you can't beat the record, you can beat up its owner.

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Attitude Jokes

If you say "I knew you were going to say that" enough. You can start billing people for psychic readings.

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Attitude Jokes

When my boss asked me who is the sтuрid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire sтuрid people.

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Attitude Jokes

Some people think that their life experience compensates for their lack of brain.

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Attitude Jokes

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

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Attitude Jokes

I don't like telling dairy jokes 'cause they're always too cheesy.

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Attitude Jokes

No Déjà vu please... I Don't want to go through that again

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Attitude Jokes

I don't care how old I am, I will see Finding Dory.

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Attitude Jokes

Oh... Sorry... Did you mistake me for someone who cares?

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Attitude Jokes

The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

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Attitude Jokes

I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't.

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Attitude Jokes