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Blonde Jokes

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are driving in a truck. The brunette and redhead are in the cab and the blonde is in the back. They accidentally drive off a bridge into water. The brunette and redhead get out and swim to the surface and wait for the blonde. After a few minutes the blonde surfaces and the other two ask, "What took so long?" The blonde replies,
"I couldn't get the tailgate down."
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There was a plane and it had 5 people in it: a president, a lawyer, a young teenage boy, a priest and a blonde girl. The plane driver said that the plane was going to crash so one of them has to jump off without a parachute because there was only 4 so they were talking to each other about who was going to jump off without a parachute. The president spoke first and he said " I run a part of this earth so I should get a parachute" so he jumped off with one. Then the blonde girl spoke and she said " I look beautiful so I should get one too" so she jumped off with one. The next person to speak was the lawyer and he said " I help people solve their problems so I should get one" so he jumped off with one. Now there was only two people left: a priest and the teenage boy. The priest said to the boy " here you take the last parachute and go because you will live a longer life then me" but then the boy said "no, it's all right because there is still 2 parachutes left. The blonde girl only took my backpack".
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Why do blondes leave empty вееr cans in their refrigerator?
For their friends that don't drink.
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Two blondes were trapped in an elevator. One was crying in the corner and the other one was shouting, "HELP! HELP!" Then the one crying had an idea, "Why don't we shout together?"
"Okay," said the other blonde. "TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"
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Why were there bullet holes in the mirror?
A blonde tried killing herself.
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Did you hear about the new blonde-made Inventions?
Solar Powered Flashlights, Helicopter Ejection Seats, and the Submarine Screen Door.
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A professor is lecturing a class and says,
"Today's lecture will be about glucose. Glucose is sugar and can be found in lots of stuff. For example, sемеn, candy, etc." A blonde girl responds with, "How come you can't taste sugar in sемеn?" The professor says,
"Well, sweety, that's because you don't have taste buds in the back of your throat."
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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a firing squad. The commander says,
"READY, AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!" All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away.
Next, it's the redhead's turn. The commander says,
"READY, AIM" and the redhead yells "HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around to look for the hurricane and the redhead runs away.
Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The commander says,
"READY, AIM" and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets shot.
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A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked,
"Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?" She replied, "The can said for best results apply 2 coats."
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A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "What do you have on tap?" He replies,
"Anheuser-Busch" (And-how's-your bush). She says,
"Just fine. How's your реnis?"
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Blonde:
"What is the second to last letter of the alphabet?"
Redhead:
"Y."
Blonde:
"Because I want to know. Why do you have to question everything?!"
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Какво правят 17 блондинки пред нощен клуб? Седемнадесет блондинки стояли пред едно кино. Седемнайсет блондинки чакат пред едно кино. 17 блондинки стоят пред дискотека. Οι ξανθιές στο Cinema Ξανθιές στο σινεμά! 17 блондинки стоят пред една дискотека. Минава една брионетка и пита: - Τι περιμενουν 17 ξανθιες εξω απο τον κινηματογραφο;; Em uma bela noite 17 loiras foram ver um filme. Procuraram um filme interessante, compraram ingressos e pipoca. Chegaram na frente da tela do cinema quando uma delas falou: — Não podemos ficar aqui neste filme. Todas olharam espantadas e perguntaram:... Warum stehen 17 Blondinen vor dem Kino und gehen nicht rein? Der Film ist erst ab 18. - Det stod sjutton blondiner utanför en pub. Vet du vad de väntade på? - Nej. - Den sista. Man måste vara arton för att få komma in. - Vet du varför det står sjutton blondiner utanför en pub? - Nä. - Man måste vara arton för att komma in. Det var 17 st blodiner utanför en krog och då sa den som jobbar på krogen "varför går ni inte in?". Då säger en av blondinerna att de måste vara 18. Det stod 17 blondiner utanför krogen. Vad väntar de på? En till, för dom måste vara 18 för att komma in. 17 blondiner stod utanför en nattklubb och väntade. - Men ska ni inte komma in, frågade en vakt. - Nej, man måste ju vara 18 för att komma in här Det sto 17 blondiner utafor en pub og venta. En mann kom bort og spurte hvorfor de stod utafor. En av blondinene svarte: - Vi må være 18 for å komme inn 17 blondiner stod uden for en bar. En mand kom forbi og spurgte hvorfor de ikke gik ind, hvorefter blondinerne svare – fordi vi har hørt at man skal være 18 for at komme ind. Miksi seitsemäntoista blondia seisoo baarin edessä? Täytyy olla kahdeksantoista, että pääsee sisään! Det var en gång 17 blondiner som stod utanför en klubb. Efter ett tag frågade vakten: - Varför går ni inte in ?? Blondinerna: - Man måste va 18...! Hvorfor står der 17 blondiner uden for et diskotek? – Fordi der står man skal være 18! Miksi 17 blondia seisoi baarin edessä? – Piti olla 18, jotta pääsi sisään. Det står 17 blondiner utenfor en nattklubb. Hva venter de på? - Den siste. Man må være 18 for å få komme inn. 17 Blondinen stehen vor dem kino und wollten ein Film ab 18 gucken bemerken aber das nur 17 dabei sind. Der var 17 blondiner som skulle en tur i biografen. Hvorfor gik de ikke ind? -  Fordi at man skulle være 18! 17 Blondiner Der stod 17 blondiner uden for et værtshus. Så kom der en mand hen og spurgte dem om hvad de lavede og de svarede: - Vi venter på en der vil følges med os ind, man skal jo være 18 for... P: Sabe o que 17 loiras fazem na fila do Dado Bier? R: Esperam por mais uma. O porteiro disse que só entra com 18. Miksi 17 blondia jonottaa kapakan ovella ? - Koska sisään pääsee vasta kun on 18 17 tynnkledde blondiner står utenfor et diskotek og hutrer og fryser. En person går bort og spør hvorfor de ikke går inn. Den ene blondinen svarer da på vegne av alle "du skjønner, vi må være 18... Hvor dumme er blondiner på en skala fra 1 til 10? Spørgsmål: Hvorfor stod der 17 blondiner ude foran et diskotek? Svar: Fordi man skulle være atten for at komme ind 17 blondiner kom till en bar och beställde varsin öl, men de lät ölen stå orörda och till slut frågade kyparen: - Smakade inte ölen bra, mina damer? - Det gör den säkert, men man måste vara 18 för... 17 blondiner står utanför diskoteket. Den ena vakten till den andra: - Varför går de inte in? - För att de vet att man måste vara 18 för att få komma in.... Stoji 17 plavusa ispred kazina! Dolazi policajac i kaze: - Sto ne ulazite unutra? A one mu kazu: - Umijes li ti citat. Vidis li da piše zabranjen ulaz ispod 18! Why do blondes sometimes invite as many as 17 friends for a movie night? Because the DVD says "Only for 18+ viewers"!
Why were there 17 blondes standing outside the pub?
Because the sign said you have to be 18 to enter.
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A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm when she remembered her dad's advice:
"If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it." Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, "Lady, why are you following me?" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said,
"Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot now. Do you want to follow me to Best Buy?"
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A blonde drove to the shopping mall and found a parking spot which had a sign that read "1 Hour Only," but she wanted 2 hours to shop so she parked across 2 spaces.
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How do you confuse a blonde?
Give her a box of corn flakes and tell her it's a jigsaw puzzle.
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Three blondes and a brunette are hanging on the wing of an airplane in flight. The pilot tells them that they are too heavy and one of them has to get off or they will all die. After a minute, the blondes decide that the brunette should get off. "Okay, but I want these to be my last words," the brunette replies and begins to sing, "if you're happy and you know it clap your hands..."
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A blond girl was at the store, and just as she was heading for her car, someone stole it. The policemen asked,
"Did you see the guy that did it?" She said,
"No, but I got the license plate."
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison. They committed a сriме and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and кill them. The brunette is called up. She says,
"Ready, aim, tornado!" Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette runs away. Once regrouped, the redhead is summoned. She says,
"Ready, aim, earthquake!" Fooled again, the police quickly turn around to get cover while the redhead runs away. Then it's the blonde's turn, who says,
"Ready, aim, fire!"
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A blonde came up to the librarian & yelled, "This book suскs! There's way too many characters & the story makes no sense!" The librarian said,
"So you're the one who took our phone book."
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What do dim lamps and blondes have in common?
They both tend to be hot, but not too bright.
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