Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

Two sреrм are walking down the street. How do you know which one is happy?
It's the one with egg on its face!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

One day, Mr.
Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiот brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing above him.
"Mr. Phillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested that your brother Bill name the kids."
"What! My brother, the idiот! I can't believe you let him! What did he name them?"
"He named your daughter Denise."
"Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?"
"He named your son Denephew."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

I don't even trust condoms.
I use trash bags and duct tape.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

A woman and her husband go to the doctor because the woman is complaining of shortness of breath. After fifteen minutes, the woman comes out into the waiting room and says, "Apparently, my problem is that I have a nice соотеr."
"Excuse me?" says the husband.
"That's what the doctor said. My problem is that I have a nice соотеr." The husband is a bit angry and goes in to talk to the doctor.
"What's this about my wife having a nice соотеr? I need a dамn good explanation."
"That's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I said she has acute angina."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who had a diск transplant?
His hand rejected it.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen, I ain't hоrny. I'm homesick."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Sex Jokes

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick.
The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.'' The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?'' The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.''

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Food Jokes

Q: What do the toes say when they meet?
A: There is a fungus among us.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

When a doctor is checking your prostate gland, make sure he doesn't have both hands on your shoulders.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A guy went to the doctor to quit smoking, and the doctor gave him a nicotine patch, which he promptly put on his реnis. A couple of weeks, he came back to the doctor's.
"How's it going?" the doctor asked him.
"Great," he replied. "I haven't had a вuтт in weeks."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Did you hear about the man who did it with a parakeet?
He contracted chirpes. And the worst thing? It was untweetable.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a brain surgeon and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a brain surgeon!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guys replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist says, "Well then what are you doing here?"
And the guy says, "Your light was on."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dentist Jokes

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I''m only here to wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse replies, "I can''t tell. I''m only here to wash your face and hands."
The ward nurse passes by and sees the man getting a little distraught so she marches over to inquire what is wrong.
"Nurse," he mumbles, "Are my testicles black?"
Being a nurse she is undaunted. She whips back the bedclothes, pulls down his pajama trousers, moves his реnis out of the way, has a good look, pulls up the pajamas, replaces the bedclothes and announces, "Nothing is wrong with them."
At this the man pulls off his oxygen mask and asks again,
"Are my test results back?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes

What's the difference between a rестаl and оrаl thermometer?
The taste.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Gross Jokes

Where does a ship go when it's sick?
To the dock.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Kids Jokes

When he told me I was negative, I was so happy, I gave a party and had an оrgy at the same time.
I'm just playing - I didn't give any parties.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

AIDS is not a gаy disease.
That's true. And everybody thinks it's a gаy disease, and it's not. We gotta stop saying that. Think about it. How could Magic get AIDS and Little Richard don't?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

My doctor is so funny.
He keeps me in stiches!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes