What I want to do is marry a white woman, never tell her that I'm black. And then when the baby comes out, accuse her of being a whоrе. 0 0 0
I wonder what kids today are going to tell their kids. ‘Yeah. it was rough back then. I didn’t get a smartphone til 4th grade and sometimes the wifi didn’t work upstairs' 0 0 0
Mrs. Sullivan and her little daughter Patty were outside the church watching all the comings and goings of a wedding. After the photographs had been taken, everyone had driven off to the reception, and all the excitement was over. Patty asked her mother, “Why did the bride change her mind, Mommy?“How do you mean, change her min?” asked Mrs. Sullivan.“Well said the child, “she went into the church with one man and came out with another!” 0 0 0
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he said."Then I'll come home and eat!" declared the child, bravely."And what if you run out of money?""I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child.The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirтy?""Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply.The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!!" 0 0 0
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself.I think they are getting impatient. 0 0 0
One man asked a schoolboy, "How old is your father?"The boy replied, "He is 8 years old."Man:"What?"Boy:"Because he became a father when I was born 8 years ago." 0 0 0
My parents' 40th wedding anniversary last week. I talked to them. They're feeling old, but they also believe it's never too late in life to do the things you really want. So, this year they put me up for adoption. 0 0 0
A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left foot was on the right foot. She said,"Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up with a puzzled look and said,"Mom, stop joking. I know they're my feet!" 0 0 0
I'm a Jersey girl myself. I grew up there as a latchkey kid. You guys know what that is? It's like a legal term for neglect. 0 0 0
Willy runs in and tells his mother you’d better come out. I’ve just knocked over the ladder at the side of the house. His mother says, go and tell your father, I’m busy.Willy says, Mom he already knows, he’s hanging from the roof. 0 0 0
The other day, my little boy talked back to my wife. She told him to do something; he said, 'No, I don't want to.' So, I had to pull him aside and say, 'Listen -- you gotta teach me how to do that.' 0 0 0
Here's another sign of getting older, boy: you find yourself saying and doing things your parents said and did. You can't help it. You turn right into your folks, right? I'm saying stuff my dad would say to me. He would say stuff like, 'I want you to have the things I never had.' Apparently, my dad never had a beating. 0 0 0
*everyone in class talking at once*Teacher: *yell's* WHY DO I HEAR TALKINGJames: *yell's* CAUSE YOU HAVE EAR'S YOU DUMB АSS ВIТСН!Teacher: James's can you please step outside of the class for a minute*kid's in the back with air horn's make MLG horn sound's*I legit no joke did this at school 0 0 0
A salesman telephone a household, and a four-year-old answered.Salesman: May I speak to your mother?Child: She is not here.Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?Child: My sisterSalesman: O. K., fine. May I speak to her?Child: I guess so.There was a long silence on the other phone. Then;Child: Hello?Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.Child: I did. The trouble is: I can’t get her out of the playpen. 0 0 0
Once upon a time in willneverhappenville, there was a black guy who worked very hard, never stole and always took very good care of his kids... The End 0 0 0
A little boy went to his teacher to tell her he found a frog.The teacher asked if it was alive or dead.The little boy said that it was dead.The teacher asked how he knew.The boy said , "I рissеd in its ear."The teacher said,"You what?"He said,"You know, I went to his ear and said, 'psst!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead." 0 0 0
The pediatric nurse entered the room, prepared to do the job of giving a shot to a little girl. Upon entering the examining room, little girl starting screaming, “NO! NO! NO!”“Jessica,” her mother scolded her, “that is not polite behavior!”The girl stopped briefly and then continued with her screaming, “NO THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU!” 0 0 0
Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with роliо keep you in a full nelson -- the perfect pressure. 0 0 0