Money jokes - Page 53

One day while at her job as a bank loan officer, Patty Black, had a frog hop onto her desk and say, "I would like to apply for a lily-pad improvement loan." Patty looked incredulously at the frog and said,
"I'm sorry, we don't loan money to frogs." To which the frog replied, "I have collateral," as he handed her a small ceramic trinket. Not wanting to be impolite, Patty said,
"I don't know. I'll have to talk to the bank manager."
She walked back to the manager's office and said,
"There is a frog out here, asking for a lily-pad improvement loan, and this trinket is all he has for collateral." The bank manager picked up the trinket and looked at it carefully. Then smiling he turned to Patty and said,
"Why it's a knick-knack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan."

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Always give 100% at work:
* 12% Monday
* 23% Tuesday
* 40% Wednesday
* 20% Thursday
* 5% Friday
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.
I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I can't dial 911. There's no 11 on my phone.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was, "Always".
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded fire station?
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Hard work will pay off later. Laziness pays off now!
To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question... or is it?
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
If women can have РМS, then why can't men have ESPN?
The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
A FOOL AND HIS MONEY can throw a great party.
Remember, half the people in the country are below average.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If you run out of sick days, call in dead.
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes

What’s the difference between an insurance company actuary and a Mafia actuary?
An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year, a Mafia actuary can name them.

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Money jokes

There will always be death and taxes.
However, death doesn’t get worse every year.

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Money jokes

I make money the old-fashioned way.
My salary is the same as it was ten years ago

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Money jokes

Many people get valuable furniture on hire purchase, it’s not that expensive when they buy it, but by the time it’s paid for they’re usually antiques.

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Money jokes

If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem.
If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.

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Money jokes

Why is money green?
Because people usually pick it before it's ripe!

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Money jokes

My grandfather came from a very poor family.
The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A couple are arguing over money.
‘Do you know,’ says the man.
‘If it weren’t for my money this house wouldn’t be here at all.’
‘Yes,’ says his wife.
‘And if it weren’t for your money neither would I.’

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Money jokes Men jokes

‘We were kind of poor and my mother hated to spend a nickel on herself, so she bought most of her things in an army surplus store.
She was the only woman in Cleveland wearing khaki lipstick.’
Bob Hope

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Jokes about Women Money jokes

We were so poor our mother would send us out with a shopping list to chase the garbage truck.

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Money jokes

Why did the mobster put his money in the freezer?
He liked cold hard cash!

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Money jokes

We were so poor we couldn’t get rid of the roaches in our house because they paid half the rent.

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Money jokes

"Hello"
"Hello"
"Is that you, James?"
"Yes, this is James."
"Are you sure this is James."
"Yes I'm sure, this is James!"
"This is Robert... can you lend me twenty dollars?"
"I'll tell James when he comes in."

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Money jokes

Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.

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Technology Jokes Money jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

My wife and I have a joint account.
I deposit money and she withdraws it.

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Money jokes

Harry staggers exhausted into his house.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks his wife.
‘I thought I’d save my 75p bus fare by running behind the bus,’ gasps Harry.
‘You idiот,’ says his wife.
‘If you’d run home behind a taxi you could’ve saved a tenner.’

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Money jokes

Why do people like to borrow money in Alaska?
Because they have Fairbanks!

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Money jokes

Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heatedexchange during a trial. The judge asked bothlawyers to approach the bench.
"Your Honor," said Bob, "I objected because mydistinguished colleague Bill was badgering thewitness. It is obvious he has never heard of theBill of Rights."
"Ruввish!" snapped Bill. "I happen to know them by heart."
Bob rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now?Well, Bill, I have a hundred dollars that saysyou can't even tell me the first few words."
Bill smirked and accepted the challenge andbegan, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."
"Dамn," Bob interrupted, fishing the money fromhis pocket, "I didn't think you'd know it."

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Money jokes Lawyer Jokes