Money jokes

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He’s in debt up to his eyes.
The only thing he’s paid for is his hat.

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Money jokes

I was taken short in the back of a taxi.
Because of all the mess I gave the driver a ten-pound note.
Mind you it had only been a fiver before I wiped myself with it.

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Money jokes

Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money.
I shall be everlastingly in your debt.
Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!

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Money jokes

I got this antique watch from my grandfather on his deathbed – he put up one hеll of a fight for it.

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Money jokes

A woman goes to her bank with a cheque from her husband.
The cashier tells her it has to be endorsed, so she writes on the back, ‘My husband is a wonderful man.’

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An actuary priced an automobile ‘fire and theft’ policy with an extremely low premium.
When asked why it was so cheap, he said, ‘Who’d steal a burnt car?’

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Money jokes

Jesus saves.
But wouldn’t it have been better if he had invested?

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Money jokes

Harry applies for a job at a finance company, the manager tells him the job is his if he can сrаск their toughest account.
Harry goes off and comes back two hours later having recovered the entire amount.
‘Amazing!’ says the manager.
‘How did you do it?’
‘Easy,’ replies Harry.
‘I said that if he didn’t pay us, I’d tell all his other creditors he had.’

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Money jokes

My uncle is very mean.
I went round the other day and found him stripping the wallpaper.
He wasn’t redecorating, he was moving.

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Money jokes

The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests.
A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer.
"Get to work," the store-keeper urged.
"I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared.
When this had been provided:
"Now give me a quart of whiskey."
Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly:
"Now show me the cellar."
An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs and leaped into the store.
His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in air and shouted:
"Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.

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Money jokes

Well goodnight everyone.
I have to get up early tomorrow to do nothing and still make more money than all of you!

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An old miser comes into the bank with a huge bag of coins.
‘Gracious,’ says the bank teller.
‘Did you hoard all that yourself?’
‘No,’ replies the miser.
‘My sister whоrеd most of it.’

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Money jokes

Why did the millionaire count his money with his toes?
So it wouldn't slip through his fingers!

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Money jokes

What’s the best way to stop water coming into your house?
Don’t pay the water bill.

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Money jokes

I love her so much I worship the ground her father found oil on.

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Money jokes

Why is money called dough?
Because we all knead it!

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Money jokes

He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.

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Money jokes

Bad Zoo
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!

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Harry to Tom: ‘My uncle died last week. Left me sоd all.’ Tom: ‘Wow. Sоd Hall.
How many rooms has it got?’

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Money jokes