Jokes about Police Officers

An inebriated crook had a little problem and ended up at the police station.
“Couldn’t you get that crook to confess to the сriме?” asked the police chief.
“We tried everything, Sir. We browbeat and badgered him wit every question we could think of.”
“How did he respond?
He just dozed off and said now and then:
“Yes, Dear. You are perfectly right.”

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Police Officer Jokes

'Old' is when...
... Your sweetie says,
"Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
... A pretty lady catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.
... You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
... When it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
... When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
..."getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
..."getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
... an "all nighter" means not getting up to рее!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

Police Officer George with his duty partner woman Police Officer Mary along with their police dog had been assigned to walk a beat.
They had been out only a short time when Mary said :
“Dамn, I was running late this morning I forgot to put on my раnтiеs! It is so uncomfortable without my раnтiеs. We have to go back to the station to get them.”
“We don’t have to go back,” George replied. “Just give the dog one sniff between your legs, and he’ll go fetch them for you.”
Mary lifted her skirt for the dog. After ten seconds of sniffing, the dog took off toward the station house.
Twenty minutes later they heard sirens. Suddenly the dog rounded the corner with a dozen police cars in pursuit - and the superintendent’s ваlls in his mouth!

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A rарisт, a gangster and a murderer are in the same car...
Who is driving the car?
A police officer!

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Two people have been killed and another seriously injured in a knife attack at an Ikea store in Sweden.
Police are currently at the сriме scene trying to piece the evidence together.

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News and Politics Jokes Police Officer Jokes

What has an American police officer and Ronnie O’Sullivan got in common?
Average shot time is only sixteen seconds. Less on the black.

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Office and Work Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A traffic cop pulled over a speeding motorist and asked,
"Do you have any ID?"
The motorist replied, "About what?"

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Police Officer Jokes

A speeding driver was pulled over by a policeman. He asked,
"Why was I pulled over when I wasn't the only one speeding." The police replied, "Have you ever been fishing?" The man then said,
"Yes". "Have you ever caught all the fish?" asked the policeman

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Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

Why do police officers wear blue?
Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

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Office and Work Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes

Police: George Michael, you're under arrest for illegal оrgаn harvesting. Last Christmas, someone gave their heart!

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Christmas Jokes Police Officer Jokes

What does "Marine" stand for?
My Аss Rides In Navy Equipment.

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Police Officer Jokes

This guy who is down and out on his luck finally gets a job at a funeral parlor, The boss tells him he will receive huge incentives if he digs out and bring back all the expensive coffins after every burial they conduct, He does very well at this until he's stopped one evening at a roadblock with a coffin full of mud. The officer asks him where is he going with this coffin and calls for backup.
The guy responds calmly, "Officer, I don't like the place they buried me, so I'm moving elsewhere."

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

I described my wife as a miserable сunт that needs to stop eating so much.
But the police have said that doesn’t really help with their missing persons report.

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Police Officer Jokes Fat Jokes

Did you hear about the wheat farmer who got arrested by the police? Apparently he was a CEREAL killer.

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Police Officer Jokes

A young teenage girl was making a living as a рrоsтiтuте and for obvious reasons she kept it a secret from her grandma.
One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, “What are you lining up for, dear?”
Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
“Mmm, sounds lovely,” said Grandma. “I think I’ll have some myself,” she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. “But you’re so old… how do you do it?”
Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s quite easy, sonny… I just remove my dentures and suск em dry!”

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

2 bedbugs were having a discussion. "I just graduated from bedbug private investigator classes. I'm going to start performing clandestine and secret investigations."
"I figured you'd want to be an 'in your face, take no prisoners, out there' kind of police bug?"
"Not really. I do my best work under cover!"

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

*man gets run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry*
*policeman informs family*
“There’s no easy way to say this”…

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A cop pulls a guy over for speeding. The guy tries to defend himself by saying, "I was just going with the flow of traffic."
The Cop replies,
"Ever go fishing?"
"Yeah."
"Ever catch ALL the fish?"

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Police Officer Jokes

The world’s worst conductor was directing up his band during a practice for an upcoming concert. Half way through the first act he was directing with wild abandon when, out of his hand, his baton flew and impaled itself in the eye of a flute player instantly killing her. The police arrive shortly after and ruled the case as an accident. The following week at practice, he again was caught up in the music of the second act and out of his hand flew the baton, which this time struck a flute player in the eye instantly killing her. The police arrived and after consideration ruled the case an accident. The following week at practice the conductor again got lost in the moment of the music of the third act and out of his hand flew the baton this time hitting a trumpet player in the eye and killing him instantly. After the police arrived they could not believe that this was an accident after the third death, and the conductor was arrested. The conductor was tried and sentenced to death in the electric chair. After strapping him in the chair operator threw the switch, nothing happened. Again he threw the switch and nothing happened. The warden was frustrated by this time and demanded that the chair operator explain what the problem was, to which the chair operator explained, "Well, everyone knows he's a bad conductor

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Police Officer Jokes

There’s an old man who lives alone next door, and we were a bit worried because we hadn’t see him since Christmas. The postman came round and said there was a fuскing awful smell coming from his letterbox. So I called the police. They knocked down his door and our worst fears were confirmed. He’d gone away: Indian’s had moved in!”

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Men jokes Christmas Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes