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News & Politics

How are politicians like diapers?
You have to change them both often, and for the same reason.

Ed Gein -- he's the guy that Hannibal Lecter was based on, 'Hannibal the Cannibal.' He made furniture out of people. Isn't that nice? 'Is that a Chippendale?'
'No, that's Bob Weinstein.'

Sports news report: The United... States that they Ghana win.

Oh shit, my computer uses U. S. English.
I wanted to ‘save’ the document but accidentally blew it up.

North Korea has test-fired a ballistic missile into the Sea of Japan.
It was meant to land on Oklahoma but they couldn’t get enough tension in the catapult.

T his poor guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.
All the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.
Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.
“Oh no!” he moaned, “this means I’ll never be able to experience an erection ever again!”
“Of course you will,” one of the doctors soothed. It’ll just have to be someone else’s, that’s all.”

Heard a newsreader relaying the news that Richie Benaud had died and I thought to myself
“What a fine delivery that was”

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated:
"Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.”
With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement:
"Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving a truck."

The world’s oldest clown, Floyd “Creaky” Creekmore of Montana, passed away at age 98. He leaves a very big pair of shoes to fill.

Breaking news - Suicidal blonde
Kills twin by mistake

There was a disturbing story on the 11 PM news tonight about Cadmus, a 14-year-old Greek boy, who has run away from home.
Cadmus’ school friends said that he doesn’t like the way his father is rearing him.

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