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Political Joke

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

The following conversation took place in the palace of the supreme leader of North Korea.
Kim Jong Un: Nuke the Chinese.
Adviser: No problem your excellency, missiles will be launched in 3 minutes.
Kim Jong Un: I was talking about microwaving some food you idiot.

Read in the newspaper today that the police are looking for a racist attacker. I called them up to ask how much money they were offering but apparently it wasn’t a job advertisement.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”,
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E. P. A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called “Unenlightened.”
And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he’d ne’er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you’ve got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…even you.
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…
“May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth.”
Notice: This poem is copyright 1992 by Harvey Ehrlich. It is free to
Distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact.
All follow-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc
Should be made to mduhan@husc. Harvard. Edu . Happy Holidays!

In demonstrating the division of powers within the government, the teacher used the family structure as an example.
One boy stood up and said, “It looks like my mom’s the president then, because she veto’s everything.”

Christopher Columbus was the first ever-successful politician of the world because he didn’t know where he was going, he didn’t know where he was when he got there, and he did all of it only on borrowed money!

This Russian guy loses his pet parrot. He looks everywhere, all around the neighborhood, in the park, everywhere. He can't find the parrot. Finally he goes around to the KGB office and tells the desk officer his problem.
The officer's a little puzzled. "Look, bud, I'm sorry you lost your bird, but this is the KGB. We don't handle missing animal reports."
"Oh, I know that," says the guy. "I just wanted you to know, if you find my parrot - I don't know where he could have picked up all his political ideas."

Politicians should be limited to two terms. One in office and one in prison

A politician asked a well known author, "Did you know that 'Sumac' and 'Sugar' are the only two words in English, that begin with the letters 'Su' but are pronounced like 'Shu'?"
The author replied, "Sure."

A drunk asked a barman, “Who did you vote for in the last election?”
“None of your business,” the barman answered, “And besides, you never talk politics in a pub.”
“Okay,” said the drunk. “What church do you go to?”
“None of your business,” the barman answered, “And besides, you never talk religion in a pub.”
“Okay,” said the drunk. “Can I talk about sex?”
“Sure! Sex is great pub talk!”
“Okay,” said the drunk, “Fcuk you.”

It’s a disgrace that the UK has recently lost its AAA credit rating. Just because our main export is Walkers Crisps and half the population is on unemployment benefits doesn’t mean we have a weak economy.

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