A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you...

A drunк in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in.
“Dамn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna кill me.”
“Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunк’s pocket.
“Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.”
So the drunк goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him.
She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties.
“Why are there two twenties?” she asks.
The drunк replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”