Money

A lawyer is paid £950 in new bills but, on counting the money, he discovers that two notes have stuck together and he’s been overpaid by £50.
This leaves him with an ethical dilemma – should he tell his partner?

One day Adam and his parents were at the mall.
Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way.
He got a bag of chips and a drink.
He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.

Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting:
"GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds.

A man has visited a fortune teller because he wanted to know his future.
The fortune teller has taken a look at him from his head to his toes and has said:
"you will be not rich because you have a very small ass and with such an ass it is not possible to sit on two seats."

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cash.
Cash who?
Yes! I've always known you were a bit nutty!

I got a call today from a distorted voice saying “Five grand in cash, or we kill your wife”
Both options were tempting, but I decided to take the money.

Whenever I get down to my last $3, I'd always head to the nearest 7-11 -- the white trash casino -- and I'd buy a 40-ounce of beer and a lottery scratch ticket. I would drink the beer, and I'd scratch the ticket And it'd always be some game with some dream come true name -- you know, like, 'Pot of Gold' or 'Win the Millions' or 'Money Stack' -- and there's a picture of a big stack of money on the ticket. I think a better name for those games would be 'Spend the Child Support.' And what you do is scratch the money from a baby's mouth.

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”

Only thing left on my Debit card is my name and expiration date.

The best security system for a bank is when Chuck's money is in it.

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars.
Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper.
'Alec !' yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing.
Why?'
'Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do !'