American Presidents Humor

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I am Funny but sad. I submit jokes you’ll love. anyway…
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared if being alone. She said “sure just dont look up”. He looked up and said " woah what are those?". She replied " those are just headlights." He looked down and said “what is that?” She said that’s just a bush." The next day mommy wasnt home so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said “okay but don’t look up.” He looked up and said “woah what is that?” His papa replied “that’s just a snake.” Later that night he asked to sleep with his parents. They said “okay just dont look under the covers.” After a while he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed “mom turn on the headlights the snake is in the Bush!!”
Love Jokes American Presidents Humor
Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Неll where the Devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Неll. "No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.
The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying nакеd on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Веnт over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
Donald Trump Jokes American Presidents Humor
Monica Lewinsky virus:
Sucks all the memory out of your computer. Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte. Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB. Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy. Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them. Ellen Degeneres virus: Your IBM suddenlyclaims it's a MAC. Titanic virus: Makes your whole computer go down. Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy. Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care. Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there. Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact. HBO virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week. Wооdy Allen virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns ona daughter card. NFL Blackout virus: Will only let you run progams on a remote terminal that's more than 75 miles away. Linda Tripp virus: Makes copies of your personal files and forwards them to the authorities. Bill Clinton virus: Won't let you query the system for information. Rush Limbaugh virus: Biases everything to the right. Ken Starr virus: Expands a focused search of a specific file into a global interregation of every existing file. Creates links between unrelated data. Works extremelyslow while searching and compiling results. Al Gore virus: Runs quietly in background mode but doesn't appear to really do much of anything. Saddam Hussein virus: Won't let you into any of your programs. Tonya Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons. George Michael virus: Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup. Joey Buttafuoco virus: Only attacks minor files. Jerry Seinfeld virus: Program about nothing that exits when you're really enjoying it. David Caruso NYPD Blue virus: After running successfully for a while, it exits the program it was inand never works again. Рее Wee Herman virus: Exposes yourconfidential files to everyone. X-files virus: All your Icons start shape shifting. Spice Girl virus: Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop. AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Technology Jokes Superhero Jokes American Presidents Humor
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction."Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, "Gonzales said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes School Jokes Aviation Jokes Military Jokes American Presidents Humor