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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

How does a firefly feel when it loses its glow?
De-lighted!

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Animal Jokes

* Cats rule. Dogs drool.
* Cats use a litter box. Dogs use your leg.
* Cats will wait until you've read your morning paper before tearing it to shreds.
* Cats look cute sleeping on the TV. Dogs crash right in front of the screen.
* Why do you think they call it "Dog Breath?"

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Animal Jokes

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

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Animal Jokes

Why do elephants have 4 feet?
Because they'd look silly with 6 inches.

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Animal Jokes

A dog вrееdеr bred a bulldog and shitzo. He called it a вullshiт.

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Animal Jokes

Viаgrа has come out with an animal feed called Viagriculture for use in the barnyard.
It makes the roosters feel cocky and the hens lay better.

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Animal Jokes

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons.
"Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

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Animal Jokes

While at the dinosaur exhibit in Disney’s Animal Kingdom park, I overheard a confused woman complaining to her friend.
She said,
"How could they possibly know the names of all those dinosaurs if they died 75 million years ago? And another thing, how do we even know they were called dinosaurs?"

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket.
After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, “Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?”

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Animal Jokes

"When I walk into a room, I expect your undivided attention. Don't look over here or over there, look at me. If you say something to me, I just may want to ignore you. That's my prerogative. In addition, when I utter so much as a sound, you are to smile, nod approvingly, and praise me."
Sounds like your boss, right?
Well, you're half right. I'm also your cat!

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Animal Jokes

A recent survey has said that 29% of owners sleep with their pets on the bed. I tried it once, fuскing goldfish died…

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Animal Jokes

If a dog sniffs your аss, you're probably a вiтсh.

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Animal Jokes

If a parrot is able to recite the Lords Prayer does that make it a bird of prey?

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Animal Jokes

What did the Bloodhound say after the briefing?
"Smells like a plan!"

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Animal Jokes

The following conversation took place in a park.
Person 1 “Is that ur dog?”
Person 2 “No I had to adopt him. I spent years trying to make one but in the end wasn’t able to conceive.”

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Animal Jokes

A cat in Florida had its life saved by a blood transfusion from a dog.
Unfortunately, it later died from exhaustion after chasing itself around the house.

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Animal Jokes

Did Noah include termites on the ark?

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Animal Jokes

In good weather, my friend Mark always let his yellow-naped Amazon parrot, Nicky, sit on the balcony of his tenth-floor apartment. One morning, Nicky flew away, much to Mark’s dismay. He searched and called for the bird, with no luck.
The next day when Mark returned from work, the phone rang. “Is this Mark?” The caller asked. “You’re going to think this is crazy, but there’s a bird outside on my balcony saying, ‘Hello, this is Mark.’ Then it recites this phone number and says, ‘I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you will leave a message at the tone, I will call you back.’ So I'm guessing this is your bird?”

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

When a cat meets you, he's like, "Die." Then you work up to that purr; that purr means something. People are like, 'My dog loves me.' I'm like, 'Yeah, but your dog would also love a bag of sticks with your t-shirt on it.'

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes

Rhonda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don’t worry about my bulldog. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!”
When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you sтuрid ugly bird!”
To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes