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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Went to a petting zoo last week with only 1 dog . It was a shitzu,
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Animal Jokes
Is that shirt (those pants) mad of camel skin? (No, why?) Cause I noticed the humps!
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Animal Jokes
Just made a new website for orphans, there’s no homepage.
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Animal Jokes
Two Cows are talking through a fence. One соw says to the other, "You know, I'm really worried about this Mad Соw Disease." The other соw says to him, "I wouldn't be too worried about it. It can't affect us chickens."
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Animal Jokes
A rabbit walked into a restaurant with a lion. The waiter seats them and asks the rabbit, "What will you have?" The rabbit says bring me a half a head of lettuce. The waiter looks at the lion and says; and what will he have? The rabbit says "The lion?" he's not eating". The waiter says "why? Isn’t he hungry?" Then the rabbit says "if he was hungry do you think I'd be here?"
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Animal Jokes
Two horse enthusiasts were having a conversation.
"I found a veterinarian that specializes in racehorses. Their legs and joints can get very tender and fragile as they get old. My 'ol Betsy is starting to have problems trotting."
"What's so great about this place?"
"They're professional, experienced, and they have extremely fast service."
"So what's this place called?"
"Po-Knee Express!"
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Animal Jokes
I would hate to be a centipede.
Can you imagine leg day at the gym.
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Animal Jokes
Two monkeys were sitting in a tree and two lions were sleeping below them. One monkey said to the other monkey "I dare you to go down there and kick one of those lions in the rear end." The other monkey said o. K. I'll go down there and kick him in the rear end as hard as I can. So he goes down the tree and kicks the lion as hard as he can and takes off swinging through the trees. The lion starts to chase him. He keeps getting closer, and closer until the monkeys thinks "Man I better do something quick or that lion is going to eat me for lunch. So he keeps swinging until the lion is pretty far behind him and he sees a newspaper lying on the ground. So he picks it up and starts to read it. All of a sudden the lion catches up to him and says,
"Did you see a monkey run by here?" The monkey goes, "You mean the one that kicked that lion in the rear end?" And the lion says,"Dang it was in the paper already?"
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Animal Jokes Men jokes
A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Got any bread?”
Barman says:
“No”
Duck says:
“Got any Bread?”
Barman says:
“No”
Duck says:
“Got any Bread?”
Barman says:
“No, we have no bread.”
Duck says:
“Got any bread”
Barman says:
“No, we haven’t got any fuскing bread.”
Duck says:
“Got any bread?”
Barman says:
“No, are you deaf? We haven’t got any fuскing bread. Ask me again and I’ll nail your fuскing beak to the bar, you irritating ваsтаrd bird!”
Duck says:
“Got any nails?”
Barman says:
“No.”
Duck says:
“Got any bread?”
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Animal Jokes
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asked her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?”
He says, “O. K., Get in the car with it.”
“Where shall I put it to get it warm?”
He says, “Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there.
“But what about the smell?”
“Just hold its nose.”
The man is expected to recover, but she used the skunk to beat him with and it died at the scene.
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Animal Jokes Men jokes
Sorry, my dog ate your text message.
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Animal Jokes
I love the way you move... Like butter on a bald monkey.
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Animal Jokes
How many ducks would there be, if you saw two ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks between two ducks, and two ducks behind two ducks?
Answer: 4 ducks-because they are in a row.
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Animal Jokes
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird brings black babies, what bird brings NO babies? …
A Swallow.
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Animal Jokes
Q. Why did the skeleton run up the tree?
A. Because a dog was after his bones!
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Animal Jokes
What kind of medical help does a mermaid seek, a vet or a doctor?
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes
Just saw a donkey crossing the road, funny thing was he looked both ways. Smart аss xxxx
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Animal Jokes
You can change a cat's litter box but you can't change its Purr-ceptions!
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Animal Jokes
Did you hear about the 6 Chinese sailors who were killed by a killer whale?
Apparently it was an orca-strated attack.
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Animal Jokes
Q. Why did the parrot die of starvation?
A. Because it couldn’t say I’m hungry.
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Animal Jokes
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