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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Got any bread?”
Barman says:
“No”
Duck says:
“Got any Bread?”
Barman says:
“No”
Duck says:
“Got any Bread?”
Barman says:
“No, we have no bread.”
Duck says:
“Got any bread”
Barman says:
“No, we haven’t got any fuскing bread.”
Duck says:
“Got any bread?”
Barman says:
“No, are you deaf? We haven’t got any fuскing bread. Ask me again and I’ll nail your fuскing beak to the bar, you irritating ваsтаrd bird!”
Duck says:
“Got any nails?”
Barman says:
“No.”
Duck says:
“Got any bread?”

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Animal Jokes

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asked her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?”
He says, “O. K., Get in the car with it.”
“Where shall I put it to get it warm?”
He says, “Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there.
“But what about the smell?”
“Just hold its nose.”
The man is expected to recover, but she used the skunk to beat him with and it died at the scene.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

Sorry, my dog ate your text message.

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Animal Jokes

I love the way you move... Like butter on a bald monkey.

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Animal Jokes

How many ducks would there be, if you saw two ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks between two ducks, and two ducks behind two ducks?
Answer: 4 ducks-because they are in a row.

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Animal Jokes

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird brings black babies, what bird brings NO babies? …
A Swallow.

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Animal Jokes

Q. Why did the skeleton run up the tree?
A. Because a dog was after his bones!

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Animal Jokes

What kind of medical help does a mermaid seek, a vet or a doctor?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

Just saw a donkey crossing the road, funny thing was he looked both ways. Smart аss xxxx

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Animal Jokes

You can change a cat's litter box but you can't change its Purr-ceptions!

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Animal Jokes

Did you hear about the 6 Chinese sailors who were killed by a killer whale?
Apparently it was an orca-strated attack.

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Animal Jokes

Q. Why did the parrot die of starvation?
A. Because it couldn’t say I’m hungry.

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Animal Jokes

Harry arrived early for his date and he waited in the living room while she finished getting ready.
Her pup walked into the room with a ball. He tossed the ball and the pup fetched it.
He repeated the game a few times when the ball bounced too high and went out on to the patio of the 23 story building. The eager pup chased it as it bounced high against the wall and unfortunately went over the wall and down the 23 floors.
Shaken, Harry struggled with how he could possibly explain what happened to his date. When she entered the room, Harry said,
"Did you notice how depressed your pup seemed to be today?"

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Animal Jokes

Are you a cat because you're purrrrrrfect.

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Animal Jokes

Guy: what mouse walks on two legs?
Guy #2: IDK
Guy: mickey mouse, what duck walks on two legs?
Guy #2: donald duck!
Guy: all ducks dumbass

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Animal Jokes

Do you wanna play lion tamer? she asks:
"What is that?" you say: It's when you get on all fours and I put my head in your mouth.

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Animal Jokes

I feel like having a baby and having a dog are pretty much the same except for the part where your vаginа gets ruined.

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Animal Jokes

Two ducks are in a pond. One went “Quack quack!” and the other duck said, “That’s funny, I was just about to say that!”

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Animal Jokes

I call her. She tells me my dog, Sluggo, just took a dump on the new carpet. I'm like, 'Shoot him.' She goes, 'That's just like you, Ron. I have a genuine problem, and you're being sarcastic.'
'Alright, honey, I'm sorry. Put the dog on the phone. I'll talk to him.'

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Animal Jokes

There was a man who visisted the zoo. There was also a kangaroo. The kangaroo had a joey (baby kangaroo) in it's pouch. The kangaroo looked into the man pants and said "Wow, your joey is so small."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes