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The pet store was selling three parrots. A man who wants to buy a parrot approaches the clerk and asks, “How much are your parrots?”
The sales clerk answers, “The first one is $1,000.”
“What does he know?”
“He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and can solve mathematical expressions.”
“How about the second one?”
“The second parrot costs $5,000.”
“What does he know?”
“He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, can solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs.”
“Then what is the price for the third one?” asked the buyer.
“This one costs $20,000.”
“Really?! What does he know?”
“This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him 'BOSS’."
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and “in heat’, agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog while the neighbor’s were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his еrестiоn and he will be able to withdraw..”
“Do you think that will work?” she asked.
“Just worked on me,” he replied.
Bear Hunting.
Don was so excited to be going bear hunting.
He spotted a small Brown Bear in the woods and shot it.
Then there was a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see a big Black Bear.
The Black Bear said, Don, you’ve got two choices, either I maul you to death or we have sеx. Don decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks Don soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip where he found the Black Bear and shot it.
There was another tap on his shoulder.
This time a huge Grizzly Bear was standing right next to him.
The Grizzly said, That was a huge mistake Don.
You’ve got two choices.
Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sеx.
Again, Don thought it was better to comply.
Although he survived, it took several months before Don finally recovered.
Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the Grizzly and shot it.
He felt the sweet taste of revenge. But then there was a tap on his shoulder.
Don turned round to find a giant Polar Bear standing there.
The Polar Bear said, “Frickin’ Неll Don, admit it, you don’t really come here for the Hunting, do you..?
Cat Lover's Rules:
1. The cat is not allowed in the house.
2. OK, the cat is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. Ok, the cat is allowed in all rooms, but must stay off the furniture.
4. The cat can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the cat is allowed on all the furniture, but it is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. The cat can sleep on the bed, but not under the covers or on the pillow.
7. OK, The cat can sleep under the covers and on the pillow by invitation only.
8. Well, ok, the cat can sleep under the covers every night and on the pillow too.
9. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the cover with the cat; only the cat can sleep on the pillow.
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them. The chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit, Rrredit, Rrredit..."
A Rabbit walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender and says,
"I want a cup of coffee.” The bartender says,
"We don’t serve coffee here"
So the Rabbit leaves, but when he leaves he sees two friends entering the bar so he joins them. His friends ask for a вееr and sandwich but the rabbit says "I wanna cup of coffee"
The bartender says,
"We don’t serve coffee here"
So the rabbit leaves again, but he sees two more friends so he joins them in the bar. His friends order a вееr and a sandwich but the Rabbit still says,
"I want a cup of coffee"
"Look,” says the bartender "we don’t serve coffee here. Now leave or I will nail your ears to the bar!"
So the rabbit leaves, but he yet again sees two more friends and enters the bar.
But this time the rabbit says,
"Do you have a hammer?"
"No" replies the bartender
Do you have any nails?"
"No"
"Then I want a cup of coffee"